Can someone edit my paragraphs please?
"You know, if we had a uniform policy, it would make things better in this school."(qtd. in Mitchell). The famous words of president Bill Clinton after realizing how school uniforms would positively affect our public schools. When most people think about school uniforms they picture well-behaved private school children. However, nowadays it’s not only private schools. Lots of public schools are adopting the idea of wearing school uniforms in the belief that they will help improve the overall conduct and academics of their students. Many don't believe in school uniforms because they are said to strip children of their individuality. Nevertheless, with that being the only negative effect, school uniforms should be required in all public schools because not only do they cut down on the teasing and bullying but they also help students have a better focus on school while helping to save parents’ money on school clothes.
In today's society there is so much teasing and bullying in our schools. If you don't wear a certain brand of clothes or dress a certain way then you are considered "not cool". Requiring all students to wear uniforms would help in reducing the amount of bullying in our schools. Everyone would be wearing basically the same things so therefore are presented as being equal. Students won't outcasts because they can’t afford those $100 jeans or the new Nike tennis shoes. Too many students base their reputation and their friendships on what they wear instead of who they are. "The better brands you wear, the more popular you are; if you don't wear those things you get criticized" (O'Connell). Those are words from an actual high school student and she tells how popularity works in her school. It is sad to know that if you don't send your children to school in the most expense clothing, then they are going to get picked on. Bullying can be a very dangerous and serious matter. It has even been reported that students have been killed over the clothes they are wearing, one the many examples is Chris Demby. "In March, Chris Demby, a 10th grader at Franklin Learning Center in West Philadelphia, was shot and killed for his new Nikes" (Telander). Who would have thought that buying our children designer clothes would ultimately put their life in danger? If they were wearing uniforms to school, parents wouldn't have to worry about their children getting mugged and injured over their clothing, seeing as how most students believe uniforms are incredibly hideous.
Thank you!
Sentence 2 is not a complete sentence. You could fix that by beginning with: The preceding quote contains the...
"focus on school while helping" If you were to read that sentence outloud, you might be grateful for a comma after the word "school" because that would enable you to take a breath, if you needed it!
Paragraph 2: (funny, but I remember correcting this some days ago?) "Students won't outcasts" could be corrected with "Students won't be outcasts"
"most expense clothing," = expense is a noun and you need an adjective to modify clothing = expensive
"they are wearing, one the many examples? = you have a run-on sentence here. It can be corrected if you change the comma to a semicolon (;)
Other than a comma perhaps here: "dress a certain way, then you are considered" (sentence 2 of paragraph 2), the argument is good.
Sra
Sure! Here's an edited version of your paragraphs:
President Bill Clinton once said, "You know, if we had a uniform policy, it would make things better in this school" (qtd. in Mitchell). This statement highlights the positive impact that school uniforms can have on public schools. While many people associate school uniforms with private schools, an increasing number of public schools are adopting this policy in the hopes of improving students' behavior and academic performance. Although some argue that school uniforms strip children of their individuality, the benefits of implementing a uniform policy far outweigh this concern. Therefore, school uniforms should be required in all public schools as they help reduce bullying, improve focus on education, and save parents money on clothing expenses.
In today's society, bullying and teasing are significant problems in schools. Students often judge others based on their brand of clothes or fashion choices, leading to a harmful environment where certain individuals are deemed "cool" or "uncool." Requiring all students to wear uniforms would help reduce bullying by promoting equality. When everyone is dressed alike, there is less opportunity for students to be singled out or excluded based on their clothing choices. This prevents students from feeling like outcasts because they cannot afford expensive clothing items or popular brands. As one high school student explained, "The better brands you wear, the more popular you are; if you don't wear those things, you get criticized" (O'Connell). It is disheartening to think that children can be ostracized simply because of their clothing. Bullying can have severe consequences, including tragic incidents like the story of Chris Demby, who was shot and killed for his new Nikes (Telander). Implementing a uniform policy would alleviate these concerns, ensuring that parents do not have to worry about their children's safety being compromised due to the clothes they wear.
Thank you!