Can someone please proofread this before i email it to school metro's director Mr. Thomas LeMera
Hey LeMera, my name is Bryan Martin and I’m email you to require more information on your school. I am a senior in high school in temple hills MD. I'm interested in becoming a mobile electronics certified installer in hopes of opening my own business. Can you fill me in on what your school is like so I can further determine if your school is right for me.
This is FAR too informal!! Here's my suggested revision:
Hello, Mr LeMera.
I am requesting information about your school. I am a senior in high school in Temple Hills, MD. I'm interested in becoming a mobile electronics certified installer and plan to eventually open my own business.
Please let me know what your school is like so I can determine if your school is right for me.
Thank you in advance for your time.
Bryan Martin
youremailaddress
If you write an email to someone of this stature the way you write emails to your friends, you won't be taken seriously. Remember to use formal language in formal situations; informal language is find for your pals, but not adults!
=)
Certainly! Here's how you can proofread your email before sending it:
1. Read through the email: Start by reading the email from beginning to end. Look out for any grammatical errors, spelling mistakes, or unclear sentences.
2. Check for capitalization: Make sure that the names, such as "Mr. Thomas LeMera" and "Temple Hills MD," are capitalized correctly.
3. Review punctuation: Ensure that you have used commas, periods, and other punctuation marks properly. Pay attention to any missing or unnecessary punctuation.
4. Addressing the recipient: Double-check the spelling and capitalization of Mr. Thomas LeMera's name. Also, verify that "Hey LeMera" is the appropriate salutation. Generally, it is more professional to use "Dear Mr. LeMera" or "Hello Mr. LeMera."
5. Grammar and sentence structure: Look for any grammar mistakes, such as subject-verb agreement or incorrect verb tenses. Make sure your sentences are clear, concise, and well-structured.
6. Content and tone: Examine the content of your email to ensure that you have clearly expressed your purpose for contacting Mr. LeMera. Consider if the tone is professional and polite.
After making the necessary revisions, your proofread email might look like this:
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Subject: Inquiry about School Information
Dear Mr. LeMera,
My name is Bryan Martin, a senior in high school from Temple Hills, MD. I am reaching out to inquire about your school, as I am interested in pursuing a career as a mobile electronics certified installer and eventually opening my own business.
I would appreciate it if you could provide me with more information about your school, its programs, and any relevant details about the mobile electronics certification course. This will help me evaluate whether your school is the right fit for my educational and career goals.
Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing back from you soon.
Sincerely,
Bryan Martin
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Remember to double-check everything before sending the email, as this proofread version is just a suggestion.