My teacher told me how to revise my thesis in terms of parallelism. I am not sure what she means or how to do it.
This is my thesis:
"School uniforms should be required in all public schools because not only do they cut down on the teasing and bullying but they also help students have a better focus on school, and save parents money on clothes."
Parallelism means that parts of a sentence or a series need to be constructed in the same way. For example, if one part of a series has one adjective modifying a noun, then all the parts must have one adjective modifying a noun.
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/parallelism.htm
School uniforms should be required in all public schools because
(1) not only do they cut down on the teasing and bullying
(2) but they also help students have a better focus on school,
and (3) save parents money on clothes.
You have a series of three elements here. #s 1 and 2 are parallel because they are comprised of full clauses.
#3, however, is the non-parallel part: "save parents money on clothes" -- this is not a full clause. What needs to be added to make it a full clause?
Parallelism in writing refers to the use of similar grammatical structures, patterns, or phrasing to express equal or related ideas. It creates balance and rhythm in the sentence or paragraph, making it easier to read and comprehend. In the context of revising your thesis statement, your teacher is suggesting making the elements of your argument parallel.
Let's take a look at your thesis statement:
"School uniforms should be required in all public schools because not only do they cut down on the teasing and bullying but they also help students have a better focus on school, and save parents money on clothes."
To make it parallel, you want to ensure that the elements following "because" are phrased in a consistent manner. In other words, you should use the same structure for each reason you provide.
Here's an example of how you can revise your thesis statement to achieve parallelism:
"School uniforms should be required in all public schools because they not only cut down on teasing and bullying but also enhance students' focus on academics and save parents money on clothing expenses."
In this revised version, each reason is expressed in a parallel structure, starting with the verb "cut down," "enhance," and "save." Additionally, the phrases "teasing and bullying," "students' focus on academics," and "parents money on clothing expenses" are balanced and consistent in length and structure.
Remember, parallelism helps create clarity, coherence, and flow in your writing. It's a useful technique to employ not only in your thesis statement but throughout your entire essay or paper.