This is my introduction paragraph for a descriptive essay. My professor told me that the thesis was a fact, not an idea. Is there a way that I can reword it to make it an idea?

Question

This is my introduction paragraph for a descriptive essay. My professor told me that the thesis was a fact, not an idea. Is there a way that I can reword it to make it an idea?

Though being a parent is one of the greatest joys of life, teen parenting comes with a few consequences. Living in the attic of my boyfriend’s mother’s house is one of mine. The small apartment my boyfriend’s mom rents is located above a family owned grocery store. While the attic of the apartment serves as a pretty large bedroom for one person, it is not an ideal place for two young adults and a toddler to spend most of their time together. Maneuvering in the crowded room amongst the obstacles of toys, diapers, shoes, laundry baskets, and other personal belongings is a daily hassle. Finding enough space to organize all of our belongings is impossible. There is barely enough space to walk through the room. Sharing such a small space with between so many people is not something I am accustomed to; before I graduated from high school, my daughter and I lived with my mother. My mom owns a decently sized three bedroom house. My old home is not anything spectacular, but it is definitely larger than where I am living now. In addition, being that my mom was always at work, my daughter and I had an entire spacious house all to ourselves; however, clearly, now that is not the case. My bedroom, which I share with my boyfriend and my daughter, is unbearably crowded.

Answer 1

What is your thesis statement?

What do you plan to describe?

Answer 2

I would expand the essay into development of this idea: Stresses in life are amplified for teen parents.

That is an idea.

Answer 3

Thesis statement: My bedroom, which I share with my boyfriend and my daughter, is unbearably crowded.

The professor wants one paragraph describing something to contrast to our main idea. That paragraph is about my mom's house. The rest of the essay is describing my bedroom.

Answer 4

bobpursley- The essay has to describe a place. The thesis has to have a key term that refers to the place we are describing.

Answer 5

Though being a parent is one of the greatest joys of life, experiencing teen parenting brings about several consequences, including the challenging living situation of residing in the attic of my boyfriend's mother's house. The small apartment our living space is situated above a family-owned grocery store. While the attic serves as a fairly spacious bedroom for an individual, accommodating two young adults and a toddler in this area is less than ideal. Navigating through the cramped room cluttered with toys, diapers, shoes, laundry baskets, and personal belongings is a daily struggle. The lack of space to organize our possessions makes it nearly impossible, leaving minimal room to move around. This shared small space amidst a large number of individuals is a new and unfamiliar situation for me. Prior to graduating from high school, my daughter and I resided in my mother's three-bedroom house. Although by no means extravagant, our previous home offered significantly more space than our current living arrangement. Furthermore, my mom's work schedule often kept her away, leaving the entire spacious house solely for my daughter and me. However, as is evident now, that is no longer the case, and the bedroom that my boyfriend, daughter, and I share has become overwhelmingly cramped.