I am writing an essay on the worn path. This time I wrote this by myself. (Apart from a sentence). Could you tell me what I need to improve on?
Love, the emotion of strong affection and personal attachment. "It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides." But this wasn't the case for Phoenix Jackson, Eudora Welty's major character in the short story, "A Worn Path." Her strength of love for her only grandson empowers her to overcome many life-threatening obstacles throughout the story. Phoenix is met with wild animals, racial prejudice, and her very own age and senility contribute to the hardships that she must overcome. But Phoenix Jackson's pride, determination, and courage, help her to push pass her limitations and sucessfully reach her destination.
The first is not a complete sentence; it's a fragment. How will you fix it?
The second is a quotation, but isn't cited. How will you cite it?
The sentence starting "Phoenix is met..." has a non-parallel series in it. How will you fix this?
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/parallelism.htm
Delete the comma after "courage" in the last sentence.
Love, the emotion of strong affection and personal attachment, "It erupts like an earthquake, and then subsides." But this wasn't the case for Phoenix Jackson, Eudora Welty's major character in the short story, "A Worn Path". Her strength of love for her only grandson empowers her to overcome many life-threatening obstacles. Throughout the story, Phoenix is met with wild animals, racial prejudice, and her very own age and senility help contribute to the hardships that she must overcome. But Phoenix Jackson's pride, determination, and courage help her to push pass her limitations and sucessfully reach her destination.
I tried to post the citation, but it says "You are not allowed to post URL's"?
I don't understand the non parallel series part. Could you explain? Also, how is the overall structure of the paragraph? What else needs to be changed? Thanks!
Anyone?
Overall, your essay seems to provide a good overview and analysis of the theme of love in "A Worn Path." However, there are a few areas where you can improve:
1. Sentence structure: While your sentences are mostly clear, there are a couple of places where the structure could be enhanced for better readability. For example, consider breaking down the sentence that starts with "Phoenix is met with wild animals, racial prejudice..." into shorter sentences to make it easier for the reader to follow.
2. Supportive evidence: While you briefly mention Phoenix's encounters with wild animals, racial prejudice, age, and senility, it would be beneficial to include specific examples from the story to back up these claims. Cite instances where Phoenix demonstrates her courage and determination to overcome these obstacles.
3. Transitions: Ensure that your thoughts flow smoothly from one paragraph to the next. Use transitional words or phrases to connect your ideas and create a cohesive essay. This will help readers follow your argument from start to finish.
4. More analysis: While you mention Phoenix's pride, determination, and courage, try to delve deeper into how these traits manifest in the story. Provide specific examples of how they enable her to overcome the obstacles she faces. Additionally, consider exploring the significance of Phoenix's love for her grandson in more detail and how it drives her actions throughout the story.
By addressing these areas, your essay will become more precise, engaging, and well-rounded.