Im posting this essay on The battle of The Somme in 1916. If someone could edit it for me, that would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance =]
Most Canadians know July 1st to be Canada Day: a day to celebrate the birth of their country. Nevertheless, in Newfoundland, July 1st has an additional solemn significance. There, July 1st is recognized as Memorial Day. It marks the anniversary of the engagement at Beaumont-Hamel during the Battle of the Somme in 1916.
At the time of the First World War, Newfoundland was a territory of the British Empire, but was not yet a part of Canada. Therefore, when Great Britain declared war on Germany in August 1914 as a result of Germany’s invasion into Belgium, Newfoundland, Canada, and all British colonies were automatically at war. Even though Newfoundland had a population of only 240,000 at the time, more than 12,000 Newfoundlanders volunteered to participate in the war. On October 1914, the 1st Newfoundland Regiment was sent overseas to be a division of the British Army.
At 7:30 a.m, thousands of British and French troops began to proceed across “No Man's Land” to start the Battle of the Somme. By nightfall, the outcome was horrendous. Over 57,000 British and Commonwealth soldiers were dead, wounded, or missing – the largest number of combat casualties ever endured by the British in a single day.
At 9:15 a.m, the Newfoundland Regiment was in action. As the Newfoundlanders moved forward towards the Germans, it seemed as if they had walked into the giant blizzard, but this blizzard was not of hail and snow, it was composed of artillery fire. The Newfoundland Regiment would be nearly destroyed in under a half an hour.
July 1st 1916 would be the first day of four atrocious months of combating during the Battle of the Somme. By the time the battle had ended, Canada suffered an appalling 24,000 casualties. The losses sustained by the 1st Newfoundland Regiment at Beaumont-Hamel on July 1, 1916, were staggering. Of the 801 Newfoundlanders who went into battle that morning, only 68 were able to answer the roll call the next day, with 255 dead, 386 wounded and 91 missing.
The Newfoundland Regiment displayed exceptional gallantry, and true love towards their mother country, Great Britain. For that reason, the Regiment was given the great honor of being entitled as, “The Royal Newfoundland Regiment!”
William Shakespeare once said, “"Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant never taste of death but once." The Newfoundland Regiment showed that they were quite the contrary of cowards and by no means let fear triumph over them. Newfoundlanders today, still remember the courage, bravery, and love that their Regiment showed about a century ago.
Most Canadians know July 1st to be Canada Day: a day to celebrate the birth of their country. Nevertheless, in Newfoundland, July 1st has an additional solemn significance. There, July 1st is recognized as Memorial Day. It marks the anniversary of the engagement at Beaumont-Hamel during the Battle of the Somme in 1916.
At the time of the First World War, Newfoundland was a territory of the British Empire, but was not yet a part of Canada. Therefore, when Great Britain declared war on Germany in August 1914 as a result of Germany’s invasion into Belgium, all British colonies including Newfoundland were automatically at war. Even though Newfoundland had a population of only 240,000 at the time, more than 12,000 Newfoundlanders volunteered to participate in the war. On October 1914, the 1st Newfoundland Regiment was sent overseas to be a division of the British Army.
At 7:30 A.M. on July 1st that year, thousands of British and French troops began to proceed across “No Man's Land”<~~need to explain what this was and why it's in quotation marks to start the Battle of the Somme. By nightfall, the outcome was horrendous. Over 57,000 British and Commonwealth soldiers were dead, wounded, or missing – the largest number of combat casualties ever endured by the British in a single day.
At 9:15 A.M., the Newfoundland Regiment was in action. As the Newfoundlanders moved forward towards the Germans, it seemed as if they had walked into the giant blizzard, but this blizzard was not of hail and snow,<~~comma splice; use a semicolon, not a comma it was composed of artillery fire. The Newfoundland Regiment would be nearly destroyed in under a half an hour.
July 1, 1916, would be the first day of four atrocious months of combating<~~use either "combat" or "fighting" but not "combating" during the Battle of the Somme. By the time the battle had ended, Canada suffered an appalling 24,000 casualties. The losses sustained by the 1st Newfoundland Regiment at Beaumont-Hamel on July 1, 1916, were staggering. Of the 801 Newfoundlanders who went into battle that morning, only 68 were able to answer the roll call the next day, with 255 dead, 386 wounded<~~add comma and 91 missing.
The Newfoundland Regiment displayed exceptional gallantry,<~~delete comma and true love towards their mother country, Great Britain. For that reason, the Regiment was given the great honor of being called The Royal Newfoundland Regiment.
William Shakespeare once said, “"Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant never taste of death but once."<~~add source The Newfoundland Regiment showed that they were quite the contrary of cowards and by no means let fear triumph over them. Newfoundlanders today,<~~delete comma still remember the courage, bravery, and love that their Regiment showed about a century ago.
Nice job, overall.
=)
Thanks so much =]
Overall, your essay provides a brief overview of the Battle of the Somme in 1916, with a specific focus on the involvement of the Newfoundland Regiment. The essay highlights the significance of July 1st as both Canada Day and Memorial Day in Newfoundland.
In terms of editing, here are some suggestions:
1. Consider separating the introduction into two paragraphs. The first paragraph can introduce July 1st as Canada Day, and the second paragraph can explain its additional significance in Newfoundland as Memorial Day.
2. In the sentence "Even though Newfoundland had a population of only 240,000 at the time," you can add some context to explain why this population size is relevant. For example, you can mention that it was a relatively small number compared to the total population of the British Empire.
3. Consider expanding on the details of the Battle of the Somme. You mention that the outcome was horrendous and that it saw the largest number of combat casualties endured by the British in a single day, but you could provide more specific information about the nature of the battle, the objectives, and the tactics used.
4. Instead of saying "July 1st, 1916 would be the first day of four atrocious months of combating," you can consider rephrasing it to indicate that the Battle of the Somme lasted for four months.
5. When discussing the losses sustained by Canada during the Battle of the Somme, you can mention the number of casualties in relation to the total number of Canadian troops involved. This would provide a clearer context for understanding the extent of the losses.
6. In the final paragraph, you can rephrase the Shakespeare quote to make it more relevant to the essay's subject matter. For example, you can say, "The Newfoundland Regiment's unwavering courage demonstrated that true valor only allows for one encounter with death."
Remember to proofread your essay thoroughly for any grammar or spelling errors. It's always a good idea to read it aloud to catch any awkward phrasing or inconsistencies.