Ms. Sue, I have one more A-Z story to go and this I had started on a while ago. I'm pretty sure there aren't that many punctuational or grammatical problems in here; I really don't want you to waste ur time looking through this, but if you can edit this story a little bit as well, then that would be very appreciating. Thank you for all your help:-)
A princess named Susan is about to get married to her chosen prince named Charles. Beatrice, Susan’s sister, also has a crush on Charles and does not want this wedding to occur. Charles is very rich and owns a mansion with over 50 servants working around everywhere. Damon on the other hand is Charles’s step-brother who has a big crush on Susan. Everything seemed to be twisted in the lives of these four. Five days were left till the wedding. Grandparents of Susan and Beatrice were very happy for Susan, that she would be getting married into such a big house. Heartbroken Beatrice was, she longed to be with Charles. “I shall marry Charles”, her conscience would say, but then again she had deep feelings for her sister and did not want to hurt her in any way. Jolly were Susan and Beatrice’s parents, they had bought expensive gifts to give away to all the guests that would be attending the wedding. Knots were beginning to develop within Beatrice’s stomach; she couldn’t control her emotions and ran into her room, slamming it shut by accident. Loyalty belonged within each member of this family, no one ever felt sad. Madison, one of the servants in the house, rushed into Beatrice’s room to see what was wrong. “Nothing is wrong”, Beatrice replied,” I’m fine”. “Oh don’t lie to me”, Madison shrieked. “Please tell me what’s wrong”. Quivering with fear, Beatrice spills out the truth to Madison, her close friend. Regretting on what she said, she begs Madison not to mention anything to anyone about it. Suddenly, Madison realizes that she had forgotten to shut the door, and as she and Beatrice turn to stare at it, they find all the family members listening to them. Tears started to spill out of Beatrice’s eyes; she was feeling very ashamed of herself. Unhappy were Beatrice and Madison, they couldn’t meet their eyes with all the family members. Very happy was Susan, she went up to Beatrice and told her how she and all the other family members already had known that she loved Charles. “We also received a call from Charles saying that this marriage couldn’t take place, because it was you who he had loved”, Susan exclaimed to Beatrice. Xylophones suddenly started to play and Charles made his way in the room with a rose. “Yes”, it’s true that I love you and it’s also true that today we will both be getting married, but along with Susan and my step-brother Damon. Zooming around with happiness, Damon came in and he told Beatrice how he told Susan he had loved her and how they eventually ended up in this bond of love.
The End
Also have any ideas for a good title for this story?
Looks great, Sara!
A title might be "The Prince and Bea."
Thank you Ms. Sue:-)
You're welcome, Sara.
I like that title, Ms. Sue!
Title: "Twisted Love and Unveiled Secrets"
Now, let's go through the story and make a few edits:
"A princess named Susan is about to get married to her chosen prince, Charles. Beatrice, Susan’s sister, also has a crush on Charles and does not want this wedding to occur. Charles is wealthy and owns a mansion with over 50 servants. Damon, on the other hand, is Charles’s step-brother who has a big crush on Susan. The lives of these four individuals are intertwined and complicated. Five days remain until the wedding. The grandparents of Susan and Beatrice are thrilled that Susan will be marrying into such a prestigious household. Beatrice, heartbroken, longs to be with Charles but also feels strong affection for her sister and does not want to hurt her. Jolly are Susan and Beatrice’s parents, as they have purchased expensive gifts for the wedding guests. Knots of anxiety begin to form in Beatrice’s stomach; she can't control her emotions and rushes into her room, accidentally slamming the door shut. Loyalty is a fundamental value within this family, where no one ever reveals their sadness. Madison, one of the servants, rushes into Beatrice’s room to check on her. Beatrice insists that everything is fine, but Madison sees through her facade and urges her to share what's bothering her. Quivering with fear, Beatrice confesses the truth to Madison, her close friend. Overwhelmed with regret, Beatrice begs Madison not to reveal anything to anyone. However, to their shock, as they turn, they find all the family members eavesdropping at the door. Tears stream down Beatrice’s face; she feels deeply ashamed. Unhappy and unable to meet the eyes of the family members, Beatrice and Madison stand in silence. Very happy, Susan approaches Beatrice and confesses that she and the others were already aware of Beatrice's love for Charles. "We received a call from Charles, who stated that this wedding could not take place because it was you he truly loved," Susan reveals to Beatrice. Xylophones suddenly begin to play as Charles enters the room, holding a rose. "Yes, it's true that I love you, and today we will all be getting married: Susan, me, and my step-brother Damon," Charles declares. Zooming with happiness, Damon joins the group and expresses his love for Beatrice and how this love triangle led them all to this bond of love.
The End
The revised title, "Twisted Love and Unveiled Secrets," captures the drama and complexities of the story while reflecting the central themes of love, secrecy, and unexpected turns of events.