Short Story

I have to write a short story, which I've been attempting, and for now, I just want to know if the story is good.

Orson Thompson: character is 47 years old, 5ft 6' tall, with pale green eyes and strawberry blonde hair. He is humble and reliable but can be moody.
Matthew O’Shea: character is 20 years old, 5ft 10 tall, with sharp blue eyes and auburn hair. He is ambitious and reliable but can be lazy and is scared of nothing.
Linda Hampton: character is 45 years old, 5ft 5' tall, with pale green eyes and medium brown hair. She is reserved and hard-working but can be short-tempered and is scared of thorns.
Mandy Bouquet: character is 18 years old, 5ft '4 tall, with brown eyes and ginger hair. she is imaginative and self-confident but can be moody and is scared of change.
Rubella Johnson: wealthiest woman of the town who got murdered; it was her ring that Linda was found wearing.
Quincy Lincoln: Linda’s lover and Rubella’s mysterious killer. He commits suicide in fear of being caught and he also knows that Linda will not marry after she is let out from jail.
Annette: Mandy’s grandmother’s friend; she lets Mandy stay at her house and she is the employer of Orson and Linda

Possible Story:
Main character is Mandy Bouquet. She lives in the city with her parents and has a happy life in high school until her parents send her to an old town for the summer so she can learn to live in ways other than luxury and get to know other kinds of people. She doesn’t want to go but in the end she has no choice and she accepts. When she arrives there she realizes that the town is tiny and there are only a couple of homes, one church, one school, 3 grocery stores, and a graveyard. Also, everyone knows everyone in this town because the population is so small. She was given an address of a home of where she is to stay and heads in the direction. It is not hard to find. Upon seeing the home, Mandy is shocked; it is very old looking and small but it still looks nice and comfortable. Flowers lined the front porch and the soft blue color looked great in the warm summer sun. There is an old man working outside and when he sees her he grins and comes to shake her hand. He is introduced as Orson Thompson, the gardener of the home. He is pretty tall with strawberry blonde hair matted down with sweat and his pale green eyes look friendly. Mandy compliments his flowers and he tips his hat and heads back to work. Mandy proceeds inside and meets the lady she is to stay with, her grandmother’s old friend. She looks ancient but still kind. She tells Mandy that she is Annette, and that is what Mandy is to call her. She shows Mandy her small room which is a lot different than her room back home. This room contains a small bed, an old lace curtain, one dresser with a chair in the front, a painting of a horse, and light yellow walls. She unpacks her things and goes back out to the porch where Orson is still working. As she sits chatting with Orson a lady comes out and hands her a glass of freshly squeezed lemonade. Mandy smiles and the lady tells her that she’s Linda Hampton, Annette’s maid and cook. Mandy shakes her hand and lets her know that her name is Mandy Bouquet. After hearing Mandy’s name Linda gets a foggy look in her eyes, as if her name sparked a memory, and goes back inside and Mandy wonders if everyone in this town is old; Everyone she had seen so far was. As soon as she thinks this, her thoughts turn back because a young man, around Mandy’s age, comes on the porch and is about to go in when he sees Mandy. He calls over to Orson and asks who she is but instead Mandy gives the answer. She tells him that she is here for the summer and he is staying with Annette because her parents want her to know what it’s like to live in town. The young man flashes his brilliant teeth and makes his sharp blue eyes a little softer. He is Matthew O’Shea, a 20 year old orphan whom Annette admires. He comes over often because she is like his mother and he lives in the small house next door with his aunt. Mandy and Matthew talk for a while; Matthew asks her what life is like over there and Mandy asks him what he does here. Matthew does small jobs to help his aunt and he tells Mandy that he is fearless. She tells him that the only thing she’s afraid of is change. At this matthew smiles and tells her that she need not worry, everybody in this town has their own fears. For example, Orson here is afraid of the dark, and Linda is afraid of thorns. Then he says “maybe that’s why I never see her go anywhere near Orson” and chuckles. Orson makes a grunt and mysteriously leaves, muttering something about going to the bathroom. Mandy asks what that’s all about and he says “no idea. He’s been doing that for ages. I think it’s because he also doesn’t trust Linda after she went to jail” Upon hearing this, Mandy is shocked. “Linda went to jail?! What for?” “Well 25 years ago there was a murder in this town of the wealthiest woman. No one ever found out who killed her but the only thing left in her room was a bouquet of flowers with a picture of a ring inside. Linda was found wearing that ring and she was convicted guilty. I wasn’t born then but that’s all I’ve been told. I’m not sure about the details but if Annette trusts her then she’s obviously innocent. You’ll not find a nicer maid here than Linda, I can assure you of that.” “Oh I know she seems so nice! Matthew that’s horrible, how can Linda live like that? I think we should find out the whole story, I’m sure this town has some hidden mysteries. And besides, it’ll be fun plus a great way to spend summer. You never get chances like this in the city” Matthew smiles and his blue eyes look eager. He agrees right away because he is starting to like Mandy.

Linda and Orson loved each other, but Orson was poor and he couldn’t afford a ring for Linda so he buys a beautiful ring from this mysterious guy who sells it for too cheap. He is actually Quincy Lincoln, Linda’s lover, and he sells it to Orson and kills Rubella, whom the ring actually belonged to, so that Orson could go to jail and Quincy marry Linda. But Linda is found with the ring on, and therefore convicted with the murder, and she thinks Orson framed her, so they don’t talk anymore. Quincy knows that Linda won’t marry him after she gets out of jail so he commits suicide incase he ever gets caught.

Let me know what you think; thanks!

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  1. Goodness. The storyline is not my cup of tea.

    What is wrong with some humor, irony, and mystery?

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  2. I'll add that in the actual story! This is just an overview of the plot, and there's plenty of mystery.


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  3. It's pretty good....hope the teacher won't get bored to death though....the storyline is not that great but just add some more to it.....right now, it's just like blah

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