Writeacher. Could you please edit this for me, and point out all grammatical errors. Thank you very much in return
:-)
Mr. Henry Axhelm
Math
Period 2, Room 107
I teach five classes a day,
Not students, just classes.
No sense getting involved
With their personal problems.
Nothing in their heads worth listening to, anyway.
They came here to socialise,
To see who's "cute."
So I put my x's and y's on the board
And keep my distance.
On Saturdays I like to fool around
With my ham radio set.
It's been my hobby for fifteen years.
I'm on the air for hours at a time.
It's nice to talk to people
Who are far away.
~By Mel Glenn
Make the Poem Come ALIVE- Write an Anonymous Note to the Teacher
Imagine that you are a student in Mr. Axhelm's class. You recognize that he is not happy with his job, that he is lonely and that he should be happier as a teacher if only he would change his attitude towards students.
There was a choice between 2 activities and I chose this one:
Write a note telling Mr. Axhelm how it feels to be a student in his class and how the experience compares with being a student in a class with an involved, interested teacher.
Here it is:
To: Mr. Axhelm
I remember the first time I entered
your class and saw you. I thought it
would be a wonderful experience to get
to know you. I thought that more than
a teacher you’d be my friend. You
never did let that occur. Learning
seems fun when the teacher looks
interested in the topics and teaches
the students step by step. If you
don’t teach with amusement than it
becomes really hard to focus and
concentrate on what you are teaching.
The way you teach doesn’t just bore
all the students in here, in fact it
must make you tired as well. All our
boundaries aren’t that far away from
you that we don’t want you to talk to
us. We all want you to teach us with
some amount of pleasure. Not just
that, learning about you would be
interesting as well. How will you ever
get to know us your way? I suggest to
you that you change your path from
being unaccompanied to being jointed
with us.
I am able to understand the fact that
you are a teacher, and that teaching
about things is your job. Though,
there are also other teachers in this
school which don’t just teach about
things, but also interact with their
students. Interacting with others is
all a part of life. By interacting
with others you get to know them, and
the whole friendship journey starts
from there. There are many teachers
here who always greet their students
anxiously. With you, it's never like
that. It seems as if you don't even
notice us. I always thought that every
teacher would teach their
students willingly; With you it seems pretty
dull. There is a thing such as
amusement. I know that you have it
located deep within you. It's time
for you to unlock it Mr. Axhelm. I
don't know why you don't talk much,
but please, if there's something
bothering you, then please don't keep
it hidden within. Your sorrow will
get lessened if you share it with
someone understanding. You can trust
me Mr. Axhelm. I sincerely want you to
be happy by heart. Your smile will
light up the whole classroom, and I'm
sure this light will catch everyone's
attention. You will be seen in the
crowd Mr. Axhelm.
Live, Laugh, and Love
From Sara
I'll appreciate all the help you could give me, thank you very much:-)
To: Mr. Axhelm
I remember the first time I entered your class and saw you. I thought it would be a wonderful experience to get to know you. I thought that more than a teacher, you’d be my friend. You never did let that occur. Learning seems fun when the teacher looks interested in the topics and teaches the students step by step. If you don’t teach with amusement, it becomes really hard to focus and concentrate on what you are teaching. The way you teach doesn’t just bore all the students in here; in fact, it must make you tired as well. Our boundaries aren’t that far away from you that we don’t want you to talk to us. We all want you to teach us with some amount of pleasure. Not just that, learning about you would be interesting as well. How will you ever get to know us your way? I suggest to you that you change your path from being unaccompanied to being joined with us.
I understand the fact that you are a teacher and that teaching about things is your job. However, there are also other teachers in this school who don’t just teach about things but also interact with their students. Interacting with others is a part of life. By interacting with others, you get to know them, and the whole friendship journey starts from there. There are many teachers here who always greet their students anxiously. With you, it's never like that. It seems as if you don't even notice us. I always thought that every teacher would teach their students willingly; with you, it seems pretty dull. There is a thing such as amusement. I know that you have it located deep within you. It's time for you to unlock it, Mr. Axhelm. I don't know why you don't talk much, but please, if there's something bothering you, then please don't keep it hidden within. Your sorrow will lessen if you share it with someone understanding. You can trust me, Mr. Axhelm. I sincerely want you to be happy by heart. Your smile will light up the whole classroom, and I'm sure this light will catch everyone's attention. You will be seen in the crowd, Mr. Axhelm.
Live, Laugh, and Love.
From Sara
I appreciate the opportunity to help you. In terms of grammatical corrections, I noticed a few errors in your note. Here are the corrections I made:
- In the sentence "If you don’t teach with amusement than it becomes really hard to focus," it should be "If you don’t teach with amusement, then it becomes really hard to focus.
- In the sentence "There are many teachers here who always greet their students anxiously," it should be "There are many teachers here who always greet their students eagerly."
- In the sentence "By interacting with others you get to know them, and the whole friendship journey starts from there," it should be "By interacting with others, you get to know them, and the whole friendship journey starts from there."
- In the sentence "Your sorrow will get lessened if you share it with someone understanding," it should be "Your sorrow will lessen if you share it with someone understanding."
- In the sentence "You can trust me Mr. Axhelm," it should be "You can trust me, Mr. Axhelm."
- In the sentence "Your smile will light up the whole classroom, and I'm sure this light will catch everyone's attention," it should be "Your smile will light up the whole classroom, and I'm sure this light will catch everyone's attention."