Writeacher I am having difficulties taking out the you, ours, we in the fourth paragraph. I am having difficulties rephrasing. It doesn't seem to make sense when I do. English is not my first language, maybe that's why. Here it is. I tried to change some parts of; only the grammatical errors, but at the end I got stumped. I tried to expand on the introduction, but I'm not sure itf it is good. I'd like to thank you for giving me your suggestion to start the intro, I'm not sure if I ended it good.
Here is what I did:
In his poem "Dulce et Decorum Est," Wilfred Owen writes about the First World War, and describes each horrific event he met face to face during it. Each detail he expresses in this poem appears as a visual.
This poem was written as a time capsule into the past for the new generations. It was probably composed for everyone to know about the troubles the separate individuals came upon during this war. Each stanza reflects its own image for the reader to see. If any reader can put their mind wholeheartedly in this poem; they will gain the ability to picture themselves in it.
There are many emotions expressed in this poem. Some of them are anger, distress, fright, misery, etc. They all combine together as misfortune. This can be distinguished by the fact that he's added every tiny detail about the daunting atmosphere around him. Those tiny details give quoted examples of him being surrounded with gloomy emotions. Obviously, he wouldn't be happy to see all this. He must have felt really terrible. Anyone in Wilfred’s place would sense the outlandish situation he did. It’s like stepping into a nightmare itself.
Writeacher, by quoted I mean to say that his details refer to the proof that he’s actually there and seeing all this, that his details are not made up or anything like that.
The title seems to reflect on something good when it reads “Sweet and Right”. At the end we get to know what the author actually says. He says that it is not a wonderful experience to fight for your country and die at the end. He clarifies in his poem that individuals will cheer you to fight for your country, but, in reality, fighting for your country is pointless. It is basically punishing you to death, which is pointless. He says that war is not worth it. From my outlook, undergoing death is horrific. Life is a gift sent to each individual, and it’s a shame to see it all go to waste by simply starting mini fights, which end up being big wars. The writer proves the saying: It is sweet and right to die for your country” wrong. It is not sweet to die for your country. He effectively proves it as a lie. All anyone can leave behind by dying are, their memories; which makes each individual connected to that person shed tears.
I don’t know how I could take the first We out.
Some techniques in this poem are similes, alliterations, imagery, stress, stanzas, and rhymes and there is also a periodic ending. An example of a simile in this poem is: Bent double, like old beggars under sacks. He describes the people as beggars. An example of alliteration in this poem is: Men marched asleep. As mentioned before there is imagery in this poem; it can be visualised by the author’s descriptions. Stress is shown by each distinct part; I mean that some parts in the poem are expressed with greater emphasis than others. Some are slowly and emotionally expressed while others are kind of expressed in anger, etc. Overall this whole poem tells every reader to look forward to their future, and make good choices which will lead to fortune one day. Fighting for needs won't do the trick. The main objective is to take things slowly and calmly, no matter how much force is put on. One can only put itself in trouble if it creates enemies, and enemies are created by fights. Fights can only be stopped if egoism is. I am not scared to say that it is always the selfish ones who end up starting brawls. Every being does not have the capability to control their anger, but that doesn’t stop them from making an effort to. Every day there are people seen fighting in different parts of the world. Their fights solve nothing. Those people should have the ability to stop them from occurring in the first place. There is no difference left between them and terrorists.
Writeacher, by quoted I mean to say that his details refer to the proof that he’s actually there and seeing all this, that his details are not made up or anything like that.
Then I would change the 5th-8th sentences in that paragraph: Those tiny details give specific, real examples of his being overtaken by gloomy emotions. Obviously, he wasn't be happy to experience all this. He must have felt really terrible. Anyone in Owen’s place would sense the horrific situation he was in. It’s like stepping into a nightmare itself. Read carefully to catch all the changes I am suggesting.
And in the last paragraph:
Overall this whole poem tells the readers to look forward to their future and make good choices which will lead to fortune one day. Fighting for needs won't do the trick. The main objective is to take things slowly and calmly, no matter how much force is put on. People can make trouble for themselves if they create enemies, and enemies are created by fights. Fights can only be stopped if egoism is. It always seems to be the selfish ones who end up starting brawls. Humans don't always have the capability to control their anger, but that doesn’t stop them from making an effort. Every day there are people seen fighting in different parts of the world. Their fights solve nothing. If people have the ability to stop fights from occurring in the first place, there is no difference left between them and terrorists.
Read carefully to catch all the changes I am suggesting.
I'm not entirely sure of what you mean in the underlined sections.
Obviously, he wasn't be happy ~~> should delete "be"
stepping into a nightmare ~~> should be "into the"
In order to take out the instances of "you," "ours," and "we" in the fourth paragraph, you can focus on rephrasing the sentences to eliminate these pronouns. Here's a suggested rephrasing of the paragraph:
"Various emotions are expressed in this poem, including anger, distress, fright, and misery. These emotions combine to form a sense of misfortune. This can be observed through the inclusion of specific details that portray the daunting atmosphere surrounding the poet. These details serve as evidence of his presence in these distressing situations, ensuring that they are not made up or fictional. It is clear that the poet must have felt terrible and experienced an extraordinary and nightmarish situation, which anyone would feel in his place."
By removing the pronouns and restructuring the sentences, the paragraph still conveys the intended meaning without relying on personal pronouns. Remember that removing personal pronouns can sometimes require rephrasing and restructuring the sentence to maintain clarity and coherence.
Additionally, it seems like you want to explain the term "quoted" in reference to the details in the poem. However, in this context, "quoted" might not be the most appropriate word choice. Instead, you can say that the details provide evidence or serve as examples to support the poet's firsthand experience of the events described.
As for your concern about taking out the first "we," you can rephrase the sentence by focusing on the descriptive aspect of Owen's poem. For example, you can write: "This poem employs various techniques such as similes, alliterations, imagery, stress, stanzas, and rhymes, and it also features a periodic ending."
In conclusion, rephrasing sentences and using alternative expressions can help eliminate personal pronouns and maintain the overall coherence and clarity of your writing.