Thank you very much for helping me!
Here are some more sentences I'd like you to check. Thank you very much!
1) In fighting against the dragon, Beowulf performed (can you use “did” too?) three actions.
2) First he, concealed by the barrow, raised his shield. OR Concealed by the barrow, he first raised his shield?
3) Then he drew his huge, ancestral, sharp-edged sword (and not AND sharp-edged sword?).
4) People thought that life after death was more important than life on earth since the latter was believed to be a period of preparation for it.
5) First, he made friends with Henry II but then he became his opponent.
6) When Richard I went on (and not to?) the Thirst Crusade, John Lackland became king.
7)The 14th century saw the rise (can you say: was marked/characterized by the rise/development) of anticlericalism for the following reasons. First, the apparent corruption of monastic orders, then… (is it better to introduce the reaons using a colon and listing them one after the other?)
8) Can you just say: In the 14th century there was the rise of …?
9) According to Ptolemy’s theory (also the Ptolemaic theory) the earth was at the centre (or in the centre) of universe with all the planets moving in circular orbits around it.
10) You have often strayed from the point. Actually, you have introduced a lot of themes you hadn’t been asked for. Bear in mind each of your paragraphs must contain a maximum of 10 lines!
1. yes - most any synonym
2. OR Concealed by the barrow, he raised his shield first. I tend to prefer the first or last.
3. You could put "and" although it seems more sophisticated without it!
4. The last word "it" = is it clear which life? OR = for the first? for the former?
5. Was it realy "Thirst?" went to could be that he didn't go ON.
6. reasons: (I just like that punctuation.) What do you know! You thought of it too!
7. "saw the rise"is personification but that's not to say to not use it!
8. Yes or the passive: the X (whatever it is) arose... (Aren't words fun? You can do so much with them.)
9. of THE universe
10. Aha! Someone went off on a tangent? :)
Sra