Ms. Sue can you Please edit this; I'll accept any other changes made by you, thanks. Can you please edit this in paragraph mode; it's easier for me to pick out the mistakes I've made that way. Thank You:-)
I feel the pain of pins and needles. I open my eyes and vanish from my dream. There, I find my heart to be thudding and sweat covering me from head to toe. It oozes out of unknown pores. The sharp pain in my stomach starts to arise. I am frightened; I do not at any cost want to throw up. I scrunch up my body and start to swallow; each time more rapidly. There was no way I was going to let this volcano of vomit erupt on my bed, so I run to the bathroom and let it explode in the toilet. As it makes its arrival up my throat, tears shoot out of my eyes, and everything goes blank. I thought that I would fade out, but luckily I didn’t. My stomach feels really empty, and hurts like grief. I don’t feel like getting up; I wish to get rid of this pain before the weekend arrives. I freshen up and unlock the bathroom door, I hear voices; it’s my mom. She asks me if I’m alright. I tell her that I have caught the stomach flu and am feeling really frail. She tells me to go and take some medicine, but I don’t. I am unable to walk and see in the gloomy dark. I go back to bed with a miserable mood and ..........
I am unable to finish the ending with an outrageous sentence.
This is very good.
You have a great imagination. I know something will come to you for your final sentence.
Ms. Sue does this sentence make sense:
There was no way I was going to let this volcano of vomit erupt on my bed, so I run to the bathroom and let it explode in the toilet.
Or could I say:
I could not let this volcano of vomit erupt on my bed, so I run to the bathroom and let it explode in the toilet.
I like the second one better.
It's always weak to start a sentence with "there."
I feel the pain of pins and needles. I open my eyes and vanish from my dream. There, I find my heart to be thudding and sweat covering me from head to toe. It oozes out of unknown pores. The sharp pain in my stomach starts to arise. I am frightened; I do not at any cost want to throw up. I scrunch up my body and start to swallow; each time more rapidly. I could not let this volcano of vomit erupt on my bed, so I run to the bathroom and wait for it to explode in the toilet. As it makes its arrival up my throat, tears shoot out of my eyes, and everything goes blank. My body starts to lose its strength and I fall down on my knees. As they touch the cold, flat floor, my body starts to quiver. My stomach feels really empty, and hurts like grief. I don’t feel like getting up; I wish to get rid of this pain before the weekend arrives. I freshen up and unlock the bathroom door, I hear voices; it’s my mom. She asks me if I’m alright. I tell her that I have caught the stomach flu and am feeling really frail. She tells me to go and take some medicine, but I don’t. I am unable to walk and see in the gloomy dark. I go back to bed with a miserable mood and hope for morning sun to wash away all my pain.
I fixed up this paragraph a little, and randomly made the final sentence. Could you please check to see if everything is in the present tense, because I don't want it to be in the past. Could you also check to see if there are any grammatical errors in here. If my final sentence seems awkward, could you add something in there to make it seem normal. All your help will be greatly appreciated, many, many thanks in return:-):-):-):-)
Also Ms. Sue as you said that its weak to start a sentence with there. My third sentence starts with that word, and If I starts it with I it looks wierd. I don't want to make every sentence staring with I; so you have any suggestio on what I could start that sentence with?
The "there" that starts your third sentence is o.k.
A few suggestions:
"swallow; each" >> You need a comma, not a semicolon after swallow.
"I could not let this volcano" >> I can not . . .
" I freshen up " >> This should be more exact -- like -- I rinse my mouth and wash my face . . .
"door, I hear " >> You need a period, not a comma here.
"really frail" >> Can you find a more descriptive adjective than frail?
" I am unable to walk and see in the gloomy dark. I go back to bed " >> If you're unable to walk, how can you go back to bed?
"I go back to bed with a miserable mood . . ." >> How about -- I stumble back to bed, not sure if I want to live or die.
I feel the pain of pins and needles. I open my eyes and vanish from my dream. There, I find my heart to be thudding and sweat covering me from head to toe. It oozes out of unknown pores. The sharp pain in my stomach starts to arise. I am frightened; I do not at any cost want to throw up. I scrunch up my body and start to swallow, each time more rapidly. I can not let this volcano of vomit erupt on my bed, so I run to the bathroom and wait for it to explode in the toilet. As it makes its arrival up my throat, tears shoot out of my eyes, and everything goes blank. My body starts to lose its strength and I fall down on my knees. As they touch the cold, flat floor, my body starts to quiver. My stomach feels really empty, and hurts like grief. I don’t feel like getting up; I wish to get rid of this pain before the weekend arrives. I rinse my mouth and wash my face and unlock the bathroom door. I hear voices; it’s my mom. She asks me if I’m alright. I tell her that I have caught the stomach flu and am feeling really sore? weak?. She tells me to go and take some medicine, but I don’t. I am unable to walk and see in the gloomy dark. I stumble back to bed, not sure if I want to live or die.
Ms. Sue I followed all your suggestions; thank you very, very much LOL. I used three "ands" in the sentence:
I rinse my mouth and wash my face and unlock the bathroom door.
Does it seem okay with the third and in there, or could I change it to:
I rinse my mouth and wash my face. Next I unlock the bathroom door.
I rinse my mouth, wash my face, and unlock the bathroom door.
I have made some edits to the paragraph you provided. Here is the edited version in paragraph format:
"I feel the sensation of pins and needles, causing me to awaken abruptly from my dream. As I open my eyes, I notice my heart pounding in my chest, and my body drenched in sweat. It feels as though the sweat is seeping out from mysterious pores all over me. Suddenly, a sharp pain stabs at my stomach, filling me with fear. I desperately hope to avoid vomiting at any cost. I curl up my body and try to suppress the urge, swallowing rapidly with each attempt. Determined not to let this volcano of vomit erupt on my bed, I sprint to the bathroom, where I release it into the commode. The vomit pushes its way up my throat, causing tears to stream down my face and everything to fade into blankness. I thought I might lose consciousness, but fortunately, I remain fully aware. My stomach now feels completely empty, yet still aches persistently. I have no energy or desire to get out of bed; all I want is relief from this pain before the weekend arrives. I freshen up and unlock the bathroom door, only to hear the sound of my mother's voice. Worriedly, she asks if I am alright. I inform her that I have caught the stomach flu and feel terribly weak. Though she advises me to take some medicine, I disregard her suggestion. My body feels too feeble to stand, and I can barely see in the dimly lit room. With a heavy heart, I return to bed, resigned to spend the rest of the day in a miserable mood..."
As for the ending, it seems you are struggling to come up with a fitting sentence. Can you provide more context or information about what you would like to convey in the conclusion?