Hello. I am doing an essay on the impact of the industrial revolution. I have done the intoduction and two paragraphs. Please can you give me some feedback.
thanks
What was the impact of the Industrial Revolution
The Industrial Revolution was a period from the eighteenth to the nineteenth century where major changes in agriculture, manufacturing, mining and transport had a massive effect on the social, economic and cultural conditions starting in the United Kingdom, then spreading throughout Europe, North America, and eventually the world. The Industrial Revolution marked a major turning point to Human history; nearly every aspect of daily life was eventually influenced in some way.
Before the Industrial Revolution Britain was a different place to what it is today. It was very hard to keep in touch with people in other parts of the country. News was spread by travellers or through messengers goods. It was hard to move around, there were no cars, buses or aeroplanes. People had to rely upon themselves and their communities to provide the things that they needed. Food was produced locally, agriculture could provide for but a few towns. Clothing was also made locally.
The population was growing which meant that the feudal system was long gone. People were relying on each other and their master. Before the Industrial Revolution Politics was based upon land ownership. There weren’t as many problems with people and their social life. The working class had a few rights and children worked in pretty good conditions. They were housed well.
Do you have a thesis yet? Have you done your brainstorming (and maybe research) yet? Have you written an outline?
Follow the writing process, whether you're writing for science, history, English, or any other subject:
Prewriting: brainstorm, research, plan, outline, thesis statement
Writing: write first draft by starting with section II of your outline; write introduction after the body of the paper is written; write the conclusion last.
Polishing: revise, concentrating first on the body of the paper, then the intro, then the concl (revision = making sure ideas are logical and sequential and support your thesis); proofread (spelling, grammar, usage, etc.)
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/catalogue.html#org
from http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/catalogue.html
http://www.angelfire.com/wi/writingprocess/
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/
Check in the Essay & Research Paper Level.
PS -- I don't see a true thesis statement here. Aren't you supposed to have one?
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html
This is one of the very best places I've seen online to help students write good thesis statements. It shows you sentences that aren't thesis statements and how to turn each one into real thesis statements.
Just remember: your thesis statement must include factual information plus your position/opinion/stance. Without your position on the topic, it isn't a true thesis statement. So think of this sentence as the angle you want to take on the topic and what you intend to prove by the end of your paper. (If your statement is simply factual, then there's nothing to prove!)
Is this a thesis statement. Please comment and can you advise me whether the grammar,spelling etc. Is good?
In this essay I am going to show you the impact of the Industrial revolution. By the end of the essay you will understand that life was different before the Revolution and after. You will know that not all the changes took place immediately, the changed occurred at different speeds. There are also areas that did not change.
Overall, your introduction and first two paragraphs provide a good overview of the Industrial Revolution and its impact on daily life in Britain. However, there are a few areas where you can further expand and provide more specific examples or details. Here's some feedback for each paragraph:
Introduction:
- Your introduction gives a clear definition of the Industrial Revolution and its broad impact on society. It effectively sets the stage for the rest of your essay.
- Consider adding a sentence that mentions some key technological advancements or innovations of the Industrial Revolution, such as the steam engine or mechanized textile production. This will help give the reader a sense of the specific changes that occurred.
- Additionally, you can consider mentioning the social, economic, and cultural changes more explicitly, as you mention them later in the paragraph. This will provide a preview of the main points you will be discussing in the essay.
Paragraph 1:
- Your description of life before the Industrial Revolution is good, but it could benefit from more specific examples or anecdotes to make it more engaging and relatable for the reader. For example, you could mention the difficulties people faced in terms of communication, transportation, and access to goods.
- Additionally, you can mention the impact of the lack of transportation on trade and economic development. The limited ability to move goods and people made it more difficult for industries to expand and for markets to grow.
Paragraph 2:
- In this paragraph, you mention the growing population and the feudal system. Consider expanding on these points to explain how they were significant factors leading up to the Industrial Revolution. For example, the larger population increased the demand for goods and labor, creating a need for more efficient production methods.
- When discussing the feudal system, it would be helpful to explain what it is and why it became less relevant during this time. This will provide more context for the reader who may not be familiar with feudalism.
- Finally, you mention the working conditions and housing of the working class. Try to provide specific examples or details to illustrate the conditions and contrast them with the changes that occurred during the Industrial Revolution, such as the rise of factory work and the impact on worker's rights.
Remember to keep your paragraphs focused and organized around specific themes or topics. This will help you maintain a clear structure in your essay. Good luck with the rest of your writing!