I am supposed to be telling about my day at the assembly which i had last week. Ms Sue gave the title to me and she also gave me intro for it. i had family going over this. i don't know please revise
Rah! Rah! Bah!
Bah humbug! How excited I was, it was time for me and my class to go to the assembly. The announcements had finally went on and told all the home economic classes to come down. Well I was in my home economics class which was sewing and so I just wandered down the hallway with all my classmates adnd my teacher. I tried to quickly pass everyone and get in front. I actually had promised my B.F that I’d wait for her. I couldn’t actually wait for her because I knew that it would take her a while to come downstairs; her class was upstairs. So I decided to search for a good spot to sit at in the gym; there were so many benches. I wanted to sit in a spot in which I could be seen by my friend very in a flash. I sat by my other friends at the very top and waited for her arrival. There she was trying to look for me around in the gym. I tried to stand up and holler her name, but it was too late, she had already run back outside to go and look for me. I was all frustrated. I prayed for her to not become mad at me for not waiting for her. She finally came back and saw me after a few moments. She didn’t want to sit in the spot that I was sitting in, so I told her that we could move down. We moved down and sat at a pretty good spot; I mean I could everything fine from up there. She didn’t find that spot too comfortable and told me to go to the other side to search for a better spot. Everyone was sitting down, the assembly was almost about to start. I told her to forget about it, and she said fine, so we sat there. Thus, as the assembly started, my ears and eyes were pointing to the stage; all my focus was towards the speaker. As I got to know that the assembly was about the B.C Lions, I was kind of down in the dumps. I didn’t actually know what the assembly would be about. I had heard that it was something related with hockey. So I referred that back with the Olympic Games, and thought that maybe they would show us a clip about ice hockey for Canada. After seeing the B.C Lions on stage, I was depressed. Generally I really dislike sports, I find them really boring. I know that sports are good for exercise, but everyone should do their daily exercise artificially. So I sat there, trying to listen to them as much as I could, but really the B.C lions had come to cheer on all the athletic players, to give them support, and advice; I wasn’t one of them. Slowly, slowly I just withered away in my imagination. Even though, I should have been paying attention, I couldn’t control myself. I started daydreaming about going home and just imagining about the weekend to come. I was tired as well. My friend woke me up a couple of times, and I was back in reality. The B.C lions were calling up people on stage to play opposing games. They did play and have fun, but I was deadly fed up. I tried to wither away this time, but it was just too hard to. I spaced out a couple of times. I also saw some people getting called onto the stage to dance. They all danced for 2 min each, and they were all pretty good. I totally spaced out after that, and that is all I remember about this assembly. Just at the end, the principal made an announcement, I didn’t hear it the first time, but I heard it the second time. He decided to extend our lunch hour. Everyone was so happy, and so was I. Please don’t get a negative view of me by reading this. I don’t pay attention to any sport stuff, anything other than that, I do. It’s not that I’m not active all day; I do daily exercise as well. I walk to school and I walk home from school. I live 20 min away. I also take care of my health/diet by eating the correct type of food. I just don’t like sports logically, I am not that good at playing them either. The only sport I like is badminton; anyways this was my day at the assembly.
my ending i don't like. it ain't that interesting. how i change it to make it good
I don't have time to read this or anyone else either ask your mom or dad for help. It'll help better.
1. Divide this into clearly separated paragraphs. As it is now, it's unreadable. In order to divide a paper into paragraphs for legibility on Jiskha, you need to hit the Enter key twice at the end of each paragraph.
2. Please go over your paper with the following in mind. Thanks to PsyDAG for the following:
In the future, if nobody is available to proofread your work, you can do this yourself. After writing your material, put it aside for a day — at least several hours. (This breaks mental sets you might have that keep you from noticing problems.) Then read it aloud as if you were reading someone else's work. (Reading aloud slows down your reading, so you are less likely to skip over problems.)
[You can also either read it aloud to someone else or have someone else read it aloud to you! (The latter works really well!)]
If your reading goes smoothly, that is fine. However, wherever you "stumble" in your reading, other people are likely to have a problem in reading your material. Those "stumbles" indicate areas that need revising.
Once you have made your revisions, repeat the process above. Good papers often require many drafts.
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And here are three really good websites that will help, too.
http://blog.eduify.com/index.php/2009/10/28/editing-secrets-everyone-should-know/
http://www.sheboyganfalls.k12.wi.us/staff/dehogue/FSSH/proof.htm
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/composition/proofing.htm
To make the ending of your story more interesting, you can try adding some details or anecdotes about the extended lunch hour or your reaction to it. Here's a revised version of the ending:
Just as the assembly was coming to an end, with my mind still wandering in daydreams, the principal suddenly grabbed the microphone. At first, his announcement didn't reach my ears, but as soon as he repeated it, the words hit me like a bolt of lightning. He declared with a beaming smile, "In celebration of our amazing students and their enthusiasm today, we have decided to extend our lunch hour!" The whole gym erupted in cheers and applause. It was as if time had frozen for a moment, and a wave of excitement washed over me. My friends and I exchanged eager glances, already imagining the extra time we could spend enjoying our lunch without the usual rush. As we walked out of the assembly, we couldn't help but plan all the fun things we would do during the extended break. The thought of an extra hour of freedom made the entire assembly worthwhile, and it became the highlight of our day.
By including your excitement and anticipation for the extended lunch hour, the ending of your story becomes more engaging and relatable to readers.