Can you please prrof reread this paper for me? As you seen before I had to write about different ethnic groups and discrimination. Please let me know what you think. Thanks!
Jews in America
Jews in the United States have faced prejudice, segregation, and racism. From the time of the American Revolution to the beginning of the Civil War there were relatively few restrictions on Jews although some non-Jewish Americans harbored prejudice. The first incidence of industrial discrimination by a government / military entity came in the form of General Order Number 11 of 1862 issued during the Civil War by General Ulysses S. Grant. Grant believed that the black-market of cotton in the South was “run by mostly by Jews and other unprincipled traders.” Jews were forcibly expelled from areas under his control. One can not help but question if this was done because the influential Confederate Secretary of State and of War, Judah P. Benjamin, was Jewish. Although President Lincoln repealed this order, anti-Semitism and discrimination were rapidly becoming the norm. From the late 1800’s to the 1900’s groups such as the Immigration Restriction League sought to limit the number of immigrants into the U.S. Some of the group of peoples they discriminated against was the Jews since a large number came from Eastern Europe. Despite these minor disruptions to their immigration, over 100,000 Jews came to the U.S. every year until the Immigration Restriction Act of 1924 which dramatically lowered the number of Jewish immigrants to 10,000 annually. Even after WWII, Jews suffered from housing restrictions were barred from many White American social clubs and had quotas put upon them for entering many prominent American colleges. American Jews experienced institutionalized redlining many times by numerous government agencies. The "FHA [Federal Housing Administration] did more to institutionalize redlining than any other agency by categorizing mortgages according to their risk levels and encouraging private lenders who wanted insurance for their mortgages to do the same,” according to Professor Amy E. Hillier of the University of Pennsylvania.
Jewish women in the American workforce have experienced the glass-ceiling phenomenon. According to Shifra Bronznick, founder and president of Advancing Women Professionals and the Jewish Community, “Women may dominate the Jewish communal workplace in numbers but, stifled by a glass ceiling, they rarely become leaders.” Because of the tradition belief and assumption among the Jewish community that women do not wish to perform what is generally seen as men’s work, Jewish men have been for the most part appointed to executive positions over women with tenure. According to a study by Prof. Steven M. Cohen of the Hebrew University of Jerusalem, there exists a ‘glass ceiling [that] keeps women from rising to the top of the American Jewish establishment.’ Professor Cohen’s study shows that while the Jewish workforce with-in Jewish institutions and community centers maybe 70% employed by women that are for the most part headed by men. With-in Jewish religious circles, some American Jewish women face discrimination for seeking their ordination as rabbis. Men traditionally have filled the role of rabbi. Female rabbis face sexism and homophobia. Sally Priesand, America’s first female rabbi, who served as a rabbi for a little under 40 years, served for what her male counterparts consider a relatively short term. Priesand struggled to crack the glass wall and ceiling stigmatizing the women rabbinate. Priesand said of the experience: “There was a time when most of the things that I did, I made decisions as to what was best for women in the rabbinate, not necessarily what was best for me, because everyone judged the whole idea of women in the rabbinate by what I did and how I acted.”
Another group within the Jewish American community that has faced prejudice by members of both the Jews and the Christians has been Messianic Jews. Messianic Jews are Jews who proclaim face in Jesus Christ whom they call Y’shua ha Mashiach. Rather then practicing in corporate prayer and worship services on Sunday like their Protestant and Catholic counterparts, Messianic Jews follow the Rabbinical Jewish Sabbath. Instead of observing Christmas and Easter, Messianics observe traditional Jewish holidays. Because Messianic Judaism fills a unique niche, it draws criticism from Rabbinical Jews who call it not Jewish for its belief in Jesus as the Messiah, and equal criticism from the Christian community for being ‘too Jewish’. Messianic Jews with-in Ohio prisons has been denied kosher meals because Chaplains consider them to be Protestants. "This grievance is all about discrimination of a religious sect, and the conspiracy for the deprivation of rights secured by the Constitution," according to Ronald Lutz a Messianic Jewish inmate in Richland correctional institution in Ohio.
I personally identify with both of the ethnic group that I examined and the United States mainstream culture. My husband is of the Jewish ethnic group and I am of the “mainstream” culture. We also identify with Messianic Jewish community since we are both believers in Jesus Christ and have experienced some degree of discrimination. I agree and identify with both groups, although the United States should try its best at getting away from any type of discrimination.
Jews in the United States have faced prejudice, segregation, (NO COMMA) and racism. (SO YOU CONSIDER JEWS A RACE RATHER THAN AN ETHNIC GROUP OR RELIGION?) From the time of the American Revolution to the beginning of the Civil War (COMMA) there were relatively few restrictions on Jews (COMMA) although some non-Jewish Americans harbored prejudice. (YOUR INTRODUCTORY PARAGRAPH INDICATES THE TOPIC TO BE ANTI-SEMITISM AS A WHOLE, BUT YOU LATER SWITCH TO SEXISM WITHIN JUDAISM.)
The first incidence of industrial discrimination by a government / (NO SPACE BEFORE/AFTER SLASH.) military entity came in the form of General Order Number 11 of 1862 issued during the Civil War by General Ulysses S. Grant. Grant believed that the black-market of cotton in the South was “run by mostly by Jews and other unprincipled traders.” Jews were forcibly expelled from areas under his control. One can not help but question if this was done because the influential Confederate Secretary of State and of War, Judah P. Benjamin, was Jewish. Although President Lincoln repealed this order, anti-Semitism and discrimination were rapidly becoming the norm. From the late 1800’s to the 1900’s (COMMA) groups such as the Immigration Restriction League sought to limit the number of immigrants into the U.S. (SPELL OUT U.S. AT SENTENCE END TO AVOID MISTAKE WITH PERIOD.) Some of the group(S) of peoples they discriminated against was (WERE) the Jews (COMMA) since a large number came from Eastern Europe. Despite these minor disruptions to their immigration, over 100,000 Jews came to the U.S. every year (COMMA) until the Immigration Restriction Act of 1924 (COMMA) which dramatically lowered the number of Jewish immigrants to 10,000 annually. (CAN SPLIT INTO TWO SENTENCES.)
START NEW PARAGRAPH TO INDICATE CHANGES IN IDEAS, SPEAKERS, PLACES OR TIMES.
Even after WWII, Jews suffered from housing restrictions were barred from many White American social clubs and had quotas put upon them for entering many prominent American colleges. (AWKWARD SENTENCE. REVISE.) American Jews experienced institutionalized redlining many times by numerous government agencies. The "FHA [Federal Housing Administration] did more to institutionalize redlining than any other agency by categorizing mortgages according to their risk levels and encouraging private lenders who wanted insurance for their mortgages to do the same,” according to Professor Amy E. Hillier of the University of Pennsylvania. (UNCLEAR HOW RISK LEVELS WERE ASSOCIATED WITH BEING JEWISH.)
Jewish women in the American workforce have experienced the glass-ceiling phenomenon. According to Shifra Bronznick, founder and president of Advancing Women Professionals and the Jewish Community, “Women may dominate the Jewish communal workplace in numbers but, stifled by a glass ceiling, they rarely become leaders.” (WASN'T THAT TRUE OF ALL WOMEN, NOT JUST JEWISH ONES?) Because of the tradition(AL) belief and assumption among the Jewish community that women do not wish to perform what is generally seen as men’s work, Jewish men have been for the most part appointed to executive positions over women with tenure. According to a study by Prof. Steven M. Cohen of the Hebrew University of Jerusalem, there exists a "glass ceiling [that] keeps women from rising to the top of the American Jewish establishment." Professor Cohen’s study shows that (COMMA) while the Jewish workforce within Jewish institutions and community centers maybe 70% employed by women that are for the most part headed by men. (AWKWARD SENTENCE. REVISE.)
Within Jewish religious circles, some American Jewish women face discrimination for seeking their ordination as rabbis. Men traditionally have filled the role of rabbi. Female rabbis face sexism and homophobia. (THEY THOUGHT FEMALE RABBIS WERE HOMOSEXUAL?) Sally Priesand, America’s first female rabbi, who served as a rabbi for a little under 40 years, served for what her male counterparts consider a relatively short term. Priesand struggled to crack the glass wall (WALL?) and ceiling stigmatizing the women rabbinate. Priesand said of the experience: “There was a time when most of the things that I did, I made decisions as to what was best for women in the rabbinate, not necessarily what was best for me, because everyone judged the whole idea of women in the rabbinate by what I did and how I acted.”
Another group within the Jewish American community that has faced prejudice by members of both the Jews and the Christians has been Messianic Jews. Messianic Jews are Jews who proclaim face (FAITH?) in Jesus Christ (COMMA) whom they call Y’shua ha Mashiach. Rather then practicing in corporate prayer and worship services on Sunday like their Protestant and Catholic counterparts, Messianic Jews follow the Rabbinical Jewish Sabbath. Instead of observing Christmas and Easter, Messianics observe traditional Jewish holidays. Because Messianic Judaism fills a unique niche, it draws criticism from Rabbinical Jews (COMMA) who call it not Jewish for its belief in Jesus as the Messiah, and equal criticism from the Christian community for being ‘too Jewish’. Messianic Jews within (ONE WORD) Ohio prisons has (HAVE) been denied kosher meals (COMMA) because Chaplains consider them to be Protestants. "This grievance is all about discrimination of a religious sect, and the conspiracy for the deprivation of rights secured by the Constitution," according to Ronald Lutz (COMMA) a Messianic Jewish inmate in Richland correctional institution in Ohio.
I personally identify with both of the ethnic group that I examined and the United States mainstream culture. My husband is of the Jewish ethnic group (COMMA) and I am of the “mainstream” culture. We also identify with Messianic Jewish community (COMMA) since we are both believers in Jesus Christ and have experienced some degree of discrimination. I agree and identify with both groups, although the United States should try its best at getting away from any type of discrimination. (WHAT DOES YOUR IDENTITY HAVE TO DO WITH ENDING DISCRIMINATION? SPLIT INTO TWO SENTENCES.)
You need to review your use of commas.
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/607/01/
Your introductory paragraph needs to tie the essay together, which it does not do. You also need to decide what you view Jews as - religious group, ethnic group or race. Since there are white Jews, black Jews and oriental Jews, I don't think "race" is the defining factor.
You also seem to confuse sexism within Judaism (which also exists in other religions) with Anti-Semitic feelings.
In the future, if nobody is available to proofread your work, you can do this yourself. After writing your material, put it aside for a day — at least several hours. (This breaks mental sets you might have that keep you from noticing problems.) Then read it aloud as if you were reading someone else's work. (Reading aloud slows down your reading, so you are less likely to skip over problems.)
If your reading goes smoothly, that is fine. However, wherever you "stumble" in your reading, other persons are likely to have a problem in reading your material. Those "stumbles" indicate areas that need revising.
Another option, if it is available on your computer, is to have the computer read it to you.
Once you have made your revisions, repeat the process above. Good papers often require many drafts.
I hope these suggestions help.