Can someone please edit my introductory paragraph? The topic is How does a death of a loved one affect you as a person?
The death of a loved one often affects a person. Hamlet lost one of the persons he cared most, his father who was murdered by his own brother, Claudius. Hamlet became furious and upset when he found out that Claudius killed Hamlets father and his mother Gertrude married Claudius a month after her husband died. When Ophelia heard about her father's death she started to go crazy. Her actions were strange when she was around people. She went insane that she committed suicide. Laertes discovered that Hamlet murdered Poloninus and was enraged, ready to get revenge. Losing a loved one affects a person in unusual ways. The loss of a family or friend can make a person go crazy, anrgy and sad.
I'm kind of stuck on the opening statement ( topic sentence) and the filler.
"The death of a loved one often affects a person."
Only "often"? Not always?? This seem strange to me.
Learn to use apostrophes when needed for possessive forms.
Learn to use commas correctly.
Learn to use transitions between sentences so you aren't jumping from one sub-topic to another without warning or connection.
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/index2.htm
Look up what you need to work on and read the examples carefully. Then apply those ideas to your paper.
The death of a loved one can have a profound impact on an individual, affecting them emotionally, psychologically, and even physically. As observed in Shakespeare's play "Hamlet," the characters' reactions to the loss of their loved ones illustrate the various ways in which grief can manifest. For instance, when Hamlet's father is murdered by his own brother, we witness a range of intense emotions, such as anger and sadness, as he grapples with the devastating loss. Similarly, Ophelia, upon learning of her father's demise, begins displaying erratic behavior, ultimately succumbing to madness and ultimately taking her own life. Furthermore, when Laertes discovers that Hamlet is responsible for his father's death, he becomes consumed by a desire for revenge. These examples highlight the profound effect that losing a loved one can have on a person, eliciting a wide array of responses, including mental instability, anger, and profound sadness.
To edit your introductory paragraph, you can consider making the following changes:
"The death of a loved one often has a significant impact on a person's life, altering their emotional, psychological, and even physical well-being. A striking illustration of this can be found in Shakespeare's play "Hamlet," where the characters' reactions to the loss of their loved ones shed light on the various ways in which grief can manifest. For instance, when Hamlet's father is tragically murdered by his own brother, a powerful mix of fury and despair overwhelms him. Additionally, Hamlet's mother's hasty marriage to his uncle only a month after the death intensifies his feelings of betrayal and heartbreak. Ophelia, too, experiences an alarming transformation after the death of her father: her behavior becomes increasingly erratic, ultimately leading to her tragic demise. Similarly, Laertes, upon discovering that Hamlet is responsible for his father's untimely demise, becomes consumed by a burning desire for vengeance. These instances underscore the profound impact that the loss of a loved one can have on an individual, often invoking a range of emotions like anger, sadness, and even mental instability."