Could someone re-word this for me?? My instructor did not like the structure:
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Soon after warm weather ,and springtime rolls around, high school seniors across the country have only one thing is on his or her minds: GRADUATION PARTIES!!! As a ritual that marks a change in each young adults social sexual status, graduation night ,in the eyes of youth, is beyond compare. It is a night to look forward to the future , to celebrate past achievements. and most importantly, to be proud of his or her self. Nevertheless, a number of teen agers in today’s society, erroneously believe that the nonpareil approach to commemorate a graduation night occasion is to consume alcoholic beverages; to a point of obliviousness. Precendently, graduation celebrations involving alcoholic beverages, mixed with narcotics, have left some graduating seniors with hangovers, embarrassing memories, and in trouble with their parents, friends, and the police. Some others were not so lucky. There were seven teenagers killed in alcohol related crashes in Ohio’s 2005 graduation season. Graduation parties should be fun, not fatal. The idea of all night, chemical free graduation party appeals to young adults...
All school-related functions are supposed to be chemical-free, but what makes Project Graduation different is the attitude of the students. They have made a conscious decision to enjoy their graduation night without alcohol or drugs. In addition, no other group, including parents and school personnel, can make that decision for students.
It is imperative to let the other seniors know that letters will be sent to all parents explaining the party’s rules and asking for their help so that students will feel that the organizers are being “up front” in all aspects of the planning process. The students need to understand that, while Project Graduation is a party for seniors, it can be enhanced with help from parents and other adults. In addition, adult volunteers will be fundamental on the night of the party to act as food servers, chaperones, etc., so that planners may be free to enjoy the festivities with the rest of the class.
For the perfect Graduation party, you do not need to spend more money than usual to have a great time. This party will take place at a private residence, and will be totally supervised. If at any time one of the major rules is broken (alcohol or drug use), those seniors involved in such activities will be asked to leave. Either willing or by having a police escort.
What exactly is your assignment?
What did your instructor say about your structure?
Here is a reworded version of the passage:
As spring arrives and the weather gets warmer, high school seniors all over the country start thinking about one thing: graduation parties! Graduation night is seen as a special event that marks a transition in a young adult's social and sexual status. It's a night to look ahead to the future, celebrate past accomplishments, and be proud of oneself. Unfortunately, some teenagers mistakenly believe that the best way to celebrate graduation is by consuming alcohol to the point of oblivion. This has led to hangovers, embarrassing memories, and trouble with parents, friends, and even the police. Tragically, some teenagers have even lost their lives in alcohol-related accidents during graduation season. Graduation parties should be fun, not dangerous. Many young adults are drawn to the idea of a chemical-free graduation party that lasts all night.
Project Graduation is different from other school events because the students themselves have made a conscious decision to enjoy their graduation night without alcohol or drugs. No one, including parents and school staff, can make that decision for them.
It's important to inform other seniors that letters will be sent to their parents, explaining the rules of the party and asking for their help. This way, students will feel that the party organizers are being upfront and transparent in the planning process. Parents and other adults can contribute to the event to make it even better. Adult volunteers will be essential on the night of the party, acting as food servers, chaperones, and more, so that the organizers can fully enjoy the festivities with the rest of their class.
The perfect graduation party doesn't have to be expensive. It will take place at a private residence and will be closely supervised. If any of the major rules are broken, such as alcohol or drug use, the seniors involved will be asked to leave, either willingly or with the assistance of the police.