Would someone be willing to critique and edit my essay? Thanks so much!
PROMPT: Read the two sermons "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God" and "Beauty of the World" by Jonathan Edwards. Compare and contrast the rhetorical strategies of tone, lexicon, and syntax in the two pieces. Why did he compose these as he did, what are you to gain, and how do you know?
ESSAY:
“Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God” and “Beauty of the World” are two powerful sermons delivered by Jonathan Edwards, but they convey completely different meanings. In both homilies, Edwards utilizes the use of lexicon and syntax to properly convey a certain tone in each.
The tones expressed in both sermons are drastically different from each other, especially in Edwards’ choice of lexicon in each. In the “Sinners” sermon, Edwards seems as if he’s talking down to his audience. The audience intended to receive the message of this was mainly teenagers and children, to “warn” them of their fate if they fail at their duties of being a person of God. He uses words and phrases such as “hell” and “there is the dreadful pit of the glowing flames of the wrath of God” to frighten his audience. However, in his “Beauty” sermon, he is mainly focused on the more cold-hearted people of his congregation. His tone is more hopeful and calm than in his other sermon. He repeatedly uses words like “beauty”, “gentle”, and “serenity” to calm his audience.
The choice of syntax by Edwards also greatly influenced his conveyed tone in both his pieces. In his “Sinners” sermon, he uses long sentences to describe at length the fiery pits of hell and how sinful people were going to end up there. He also used long sentences in his “Beauty” sermon, except he was describing in great detail the natural movements of Earth’s creations, almost in a surreal sense. The use of long sentences in his “Sinners” sermon was to mainly build up a climax and involve the subject of the people of the congregation in each sentence, to keep the audience absorbed in the entire piece. In the “Beauty” sermon, the long sentences keep the audience in almost a dream-like state while Edwards ran through images of examples of Earth’s beauty. Syntax played a major factor in establishing Edwards’ tone in his sermons.
The tones in the sermons “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God” and “Beauty of the World” was very important in Edwards’ delivery of them to his congregations. If they lacked the proper tone appropriate for their subjects, the effect would have been completely worthless to the congregation.
Grr here's my essay:
“Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God” and “Beauty of the World” are two powerful sermons delivered by Jonathan Edwards, but they convey completely different meanings. In both homilies, Edwards utilizes the use of lexicon and syntax to properly convey a certain tone in each.
The tones expressed in both sermons are drastically different from each other, especially in Edwards’ choice of lexicon in each. In the “Sinners” sermon, Edwards seems as if he’s talking down to his audience. The audience intended to receive the message of this was mainly teenagers and children, to “warn” them of their fate if they fail at their duties of being a person of God. He uses words and phrases such as “hell” and “there is the dreadful pit of the glowing flames of the wrath of God” to frighten his audience. However, in his “Beauty” sermon, he is mainly focused on the more cold-hearted people of his congregation. His tone is more hopeful and calm than in his other sermon. He repeatedly uses words like “beauty”, “gentle”, and “serenity” to calm his audience.
The choice of syntax by Edwards also greatly influenced his conveyed tone in both his pieces. In his “Sinners” sermon, he uses long sentences to describe at length the fiery pits of hell and how sinful people were going to end up there. He also used long sentences in his “Beauty” sermon, except he was describing in great detail the natural movements of Earth’s creations, almost in a surreal sense. The use of long sentences in his “Sinners” sermon was to mainly build up a climax and involve the subject of the people of the congregation in each sentence, to keep the audience absorbed in the entire piece. In the “Beauty” sermon, the long sentences keep the audience in almost a dream-like state while Edwards ran through images of examples of Earth’s beauty. Syntax played a major factor in establishing Edwards’ tone in his sermons.
The tones in the sermons “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God” and “Beauty of the World” was very important in Edwards’ delivery of them to his congregations. If they lacked the proper tone appropriate for their subjects, the effect would have been completely worthless to the congregation.
Excellent, one minor point on the very last sentence: completely worthless is pretty stong.
I would have said the effect would have been greatly lessened.
Good work.
Very nice!!
Only two ideas for you:
1. Write "dramatically different" rather than "drastically different" in the first sentence of the second paragraph. Better word choice.
2. The titles of the sermons need to be set off by quotation marks, just as you have them, but in the last sentence of the first paragraph, each of those words that is in quotation marks need to be italicized (or underlined, if in handwriting) instead.
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/italics.htm
Read the intro paragraph here and then go down to Words as Words.
Overall, your essay provides a good comparison and contrast of the rhetorical strategies employed by Jonathan Edwards in his sermons "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God" and "Beauty of the World." However, there are a few areas where improvements can be made.
To critique and edit your essay effectively, it would be helpful for you to share the specific content and structure of the body paragraphs. This will allow me to provide more targeted feedback on how to improve the coherence and flow of your ideas.
In the introduction, you briefly mention the use of lexicon and syntax as rhetorical strategies in both sermons. However, it would be beneficial to provide a more detailed explanation of what you mean by these terms and how Edwards employs them in his sermons. This will provide a stronger foundation for your analysis.
Additionally, it would be useful to include specific examples from the sermons to support your claims about Edwards' use of lexicon and syntax. This can involve quoting key phrases or passages that illustrate his choice of words and sentence structures.
Furthermore, in order to address the prompt more thoroughly, you should delve into why Edwards composed the sermons as he did and what the reader or listener is meant to gain from them. Consider exploring the historical context in which these sermons were delivered, as well as Edwards' intended audience and purpose for writing. These factors can contribute to understanding the rhetorical strategies employed and their effectiveness.
In the conclusion, you briefly state that the tone was important in Edwards' delivery of the sermons, but it would be beneficial to expand on this idea. What impact did the tone have on the audience? How did it enhance the overall message of each sermon? Providing more analysis and insight in the conclusion will strengthen your essay's argument.
Additionally, make sure to proofread your essay carefully for grammar and punctuation errors. This will improve the clarity and readability of your writing.
Remember, the purpose of a critique and edit is not to rewrite your essay for you, but rather to provide guidance and suggestions for improvement. By addressing the areas mentioned above, you can enhance the content and structure of your essay.