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Literature- Antigone dialogue

This is my alternate ending to Antigone please feel free to comment on it, and give me a letter grade. I'm in 10th grade. Does it sound good so far I'll post the other half as soon as you comment

Antigone: I deserve to die
Polynecies meant everything to me
He was my blood and a part of my family
Now because of my disobedient Uncle
We are now truly separated forever and ever... No!!
I will take this lasso and hang myself!
Soon Polyneices you and I will be together again!

Haemon: Antigone my love!
Antigone are you in there?
Is that you?

Antigone: Haemon! Is that your voice?
The voice of angels
The voice of life and love
If it is you please show your face!

Haemon: Antigone where are you?
I can only hear your soft
And comforting voice
But I don't see your beautiful face!

(The two join together and hug)

Antigone: O' Haemon
It has been too long
Since I last felt your soft touch
But now since we have joined together,
We must part.

Haemon: What do you mean Antigone
You don't love me?

Antigone: No! I love you so much!
Haemon you are the light of my life
And the apple of my eye
But the only individual
That is separating us is Polyneices
I love him too, which is why
I am going to hang myself!

Haemon: Antigone
I know you loved your brother
But now me must live on
And look toward our future.

Antigone: Now without my brother, Haemon
My brother guded me through life,
Through my pain, and suffering
Through my sorrow, and grief
And I taught him the difference
Between right and wrong
We've been through everything together
And without him I feel empty.

Haemon: Antigone, I love you
And I want what's best for you
If you want to make this choice
Then you may.

(Messenger enters inside the cave)

Messenger: Antigone! Haemon!
Are you in here?

Antigone and Haemon: Yes messenger
Is there a problem?

Messenger: Apparently, Yes
Eurydice has just been found dead
In her chamber
The hand that killed her was Creon
Creon is an extremely brutal man,
Always has been
But he has gone too far with killing
His own wife!

Antigone: O' Haemon what are we going to do?

Haemon: Murder my father of all brutal men
He has made my life hell;
But we are going to make his life worse!

Messenger: Haemon,
Don't do anything that will cause,
You, your life!

Haemon: If I must die; I will die as a fighter
If I live; I will live as a hero.

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  1. Very nice and I could visualize everything you said I would give you either a B+ or an A

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  2. Thank you Justina I really appreciate it.

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  3. We are now truly separated forever and ever... No!!
    ( Leave out the "now" in this sentence)

    Now without my brother, Haemon
    ( Do you mean "not" here instead of "now")

    This sounds very good! I would definitely give you an A so far.

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  4. I didn't like it at all! where are all the explosions? Miniguns? helicopters? tanks? why you might ask, well its because im trolling you! DERP

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  5. Really great man!

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