English essay

Hi everybody,
I have to write an essay in English(which is not my mother tongue) on the subject: Are you personnally in favor of legalising gay marriage?
I've written a short essay about it. Can anyone correct my mistakes and my ideas(if you find that the arguments are not good etc). Thank in advance.



I personally do agree with the idea of legalizing gay marriage. For me, same sex marriage should be allowed for many reasons. On the other hand, I totally oppose to the ideas provided against it.

First of all, in the name of liberty, gay marriage is legitimate. If we consider that liberty consists in doing what we want without affecting others�f, homosexuals should have the same rights as other individuals, therefore, they can love and marry whom they want, no difference between gay marriage and marriage between heterosexuals should be made. We must therefore legalise gay marriage. By forbidding same-sex unions, we violate the laws and deprive homosexuals of their liberty.
But, for me, the most important reason not to refuse gay marriage is that we deny equality, one of the most essential principles of human�f s rights. As a matter of fact, �gall men are created equal�h, so why refusing homosexuals the right from which all other men benefit? If everyday, thousands of institutions and people attempt to break prejudices from some narrow-minded people who discriminate against black people or foreigners, to refuse gay marriage is indeed a sort of discrimination; thus, we have to combat this idea and allow this union.

For some people, gay marriage is not possible due to the fact that marriage is a union between a man and a woman. But have these people think about the real meaning of �gmarriage�h? Personally, marriage is the result of a relationship between two people: this relationship is an unconditional love and based on mutual respect and the ability to enjoy other�fs company; therefore real love between a man and a woman or between two people of the same sex is totally identical. Marriage is only a result of this true and real love, so why prevent homosexuals from such a thing?
But, people do not agree with same-sex union not only for �gsemantic�h reasons, but also for moral reasons. Some tend to assert that marriage goes against the basis of religion; however, I think that in that case by denying gay marriage, we truly do not respect the moral code for preventing others from happiness. Homosexuals also desire happiness like us, so they deserve the right to love and marry whom they want, why steal this happiness from them just because the one they love is same sex than they are?
Moreover, I�fll go as far as to say that homosexuals deserve more the �gright�h to marry than heterosexuals. As first sight, you can be surprised. But let�fs think about difficulties that homosexuals have to overcome before deciding to be linked by such commitment: they have to overcome pressure from other people, starting by their relatives, and the daily disdainful attitude coming from others while walking in the streets. Knowing that their relationship is not warmly recognised, they have to bear all these difficulties and as a consequence, their love is strong than never. That�fs why I truly believe that same-sex union lasts longer than �gclassical�h marriage.

Gay marriage is not recognised because it is regarded as unconventional or unusual at first sight. We can compare the act of legalising gay marriage nowadays to that of mixing white and black people in the 60�fs: segregation and disdaining homosexuals are proves of narrow-mindedness. However, if men truly want to protect liberty and moral principles, they should overcome all these prejudices. I truly believe that gay marriage will be recognised by more and more people. For my part, it is just a question of habit and time.



I personally do agree with the idea of legalizing gay marriage. For me, same sex marriage should be allowed for many reasons. On the other hand, I totally oppose to the ideas provided against it. <~~Very wordy and repetitive. Something like this needs to be your thesis statement: Gay marriage needs to be legalized in our country. Now work on building a real introduction that leads up to this statement.
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/intro.html
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/intros.htm


Please revise and rewrite your introduction, including the thesis statement. On doing this, you may find places in your paper that need revising, too. Then re-post.

I'll be waiting.

=)

In addition, please fix all run-ons and delete any repetitions.

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/runons.htm

Thanks.



Gay marriage is such a hot topic today that it requires more attention. For my part, I'm in favor of legalising it and I totally oppose to the ideas provided against same-sex union.The first sentence is fine, but the second is not. For one thing, get rid of all uses of the word “I” – which is obvious since YOU are writing the paper, expressing your own opinions. In addition, this is not a fully developed introductory paragraph. Please see the links I gave you above in order to write a decent introductory paragraph. It should be 4-5 sentences long, and the LAST sentence should be your thesis statement.

First of all, in the name of liberty, gay marriage is legitimate. If we consider that liberty consists in<~~use “of” not “in” doing what we want without affecting others homosexuals should have the same rights as other individuals, <~~run-un; use a semicolon, not a comma therefore, they can love and marry whom they want, <~~run-on; how can you correct this? no difference between gay marriage and marriage between heterosexuals should be made. We must therefore legalise gay marriage. By forbidding same-sex unions, we violate the laws<~~what laws exactly? and deprive homosexuals of their liberty.

Before going any further, please go through the entire paper and FIX ALL RUN-ONS. Please refer to the link I gave you above to help you find and then fix them all. Remember that EVERY SENTENCE needs to have the proper punctuation at the end of it -- and a comma is not it!!

One other idea: In every well-developed argument I've read on this topic puts economic reasons first. You have not included this very important reason at all in your paper, unless it's so subtly put that I'm missing it. Read the paragraph after Rights denied to committed gay couples:
http://www.angelfire.com/home/leah/index.html

Hey,
Thanks!
So you think that this i better?
Gay marriage is such a hot topic today that it requires more attention.For my part, I'm in favor of legalising it and I totally oppose to the ideas provided against same-sex union.

First of all, in the name of liberty, gay marriage is legitimate. If we consider that liberty consists in doing what we want without affecting others�f, homosexuals should have the same rights as other individuals, therefore, they can love and marry whom they want, no difference between gay marriage and marriage between heterosexuals should be made. We must therefore legalise gay marriage. By forbidding same-sex unions, we violate the laws and deprive homosexuals of their liberty.
But, for me, the most important reason not to refuse gay marriage is that we deny equality, one of the most essential principles of human�f s rights. As a matter of fact, �gall men are created equal�h, so why refusing homosexuals the right from which all other men benefit? If everyday, thousands of institutions and people attempt to break prejudices from some narrow-minded people who discriminate against black people or foreigners, to refuse gay marriage is indeed a sort of discrimination; thus, we have to combat this idea and allow this union.

For some people, gay marriage is not possible due to the fact that marriage is a union between a man and a woman. But have these people think about the real meaning of �gmarriage�h? Personally, marriage is the result of a relationship between two people: this relationship is an unconditional love and based on mutual respect and the ability to enjoy other�fs company; therefore real love between a man and a woman or between two people of the same sex is totally identical. Marriage is only a result of this true and real love, so why prevent homosexuals from such a thing?
But, people do not agree with same-sex union not only for �gsemantic�h reasons, but also for moral reasons. Some tend to assert that marriage goes against the basis of religion; however, I think that in that case by denying gay marriage, we truly do not respect the moral code for preventing others from happiness. Homosexuals also desire happiness like us, so they deserve the right to love and marry whom they want, why steal this happiness from them just because the one they love is same sex than they are?
Moreover, I�fll go as far as to say that homosexuals deserve more the �gright�h to marry than heterosexuals. As first sight, you can be surprised. But let�fs think about difficulties that homosexuals have to overcome before deciding to be linked by such commitment: they have to overcome pressure from other people, starting by their relatives, and the daily disdainful attitude coming from others while walking in the streets. Knowing that their relationship is not warmly recognised, they have to bear all these difficulties and as a consequence, their love is strong than never. That�fs why I truly believe that same-sex union lasts longer than �gclassical�h marriage.

Gay marriage is not recognised because it is regarded as unconventional or unusual at first sight. We can compare the act of legalising gay marriage nowadays to that of mixing white and black people in the 60�fs: segregation and disdaining homosexuals are proves of narrow-mindedness. However, if men truly want to protect liberty and moral principles, they should overcome all these prejudices. I truly believe that gay marriage will be recognised by more and more people. For my part, it is just a question of habit and time.

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