closing of essay

On my conclusion of this essay about macbeth and hamlet, I have:

Though they are necessary characters in the plays, Lady Macbeth and Ophelia are exact opposites in character and persona. Lady Macbeth is a controlling woman, but then goes crazy with guilty. Ophelia is a sweet, easily led on girl, who goes crazy after her father dies, her love tells her to go away, and her brother is not around at the time. Both these women die in the end. Shakespeare writes plays with women intent on greed and if need be, death.

are the last few sentences okay? I know the Shakespeare sentence is pretty bad, but I don't know a better closing that combines Shakespeare, and the two different plays.

please help!

Though they are necessary characters in the plays, Lady Macbeth and Ophelia are exact opposites in character and persona. Lady Macbeth is a controlling woman, but then goes crazy<~~can you think of a better word?? with guilt. Ophelia is a sweet girl, easily led on, who goes crazy<~~???? after her father dies, her love tells her to go away, and her brother is not around at the time. Both of these women die in the end. Shakespeare writes plays with women intent on greed and if need be, death. <~~That last sentence is questionable. Was Ophelia greedy? Lady Macbeth certainly was, but Ophelia?

Ok, how about:

Though they are necessary characters in the plays, Lady Macbeth and Ophelia are exact opposites in character and persona. Lady Macbeth is a controlling woman, but then goes mad with guilty. Ophelia is a sweet, easily led on girl, who goes fanatical after her father dies, her love tells her to go away, and her brother is not around at the time. Both these women die in the end. According to Shakespeare women are intent on greed and if need be, death to accomplish their goal. Some women are like this, some women are not, just like the saying, “Stereotypes do not define all.”

"mad with guilt" <~~ not "guilty"

"easily led on girl" <~~awkward; look at the suggestion I made in bold -- including the commas

"goes fanatical" -- ????
How about "becomes mentally unstable"?

You still need to clarify about the greed thing. Ophelia was not greedy; she was used and in a frail mental condition -- definitely not one of Lady Macbeth's problems.

=)

Here is a really good site on what an essay conclusion needs to do.
http://unilearning.uow.edu.au/essay/4biv.html

I have always told my students to take the conclusion from each of your body paragraphs, restate them in the conclusion, then state what you have learned that supports your thesis.

Your last sentence has the word greed in it. Ophelia was not motivated by greed at all; so that sentence is not valid. You have covered some good ideas. One - they are opposites regarding control; Two they are alike in that they both lose their minds and die. So, why do you think that although they are totally different in personality, they both suffer the same end?
I have corrected some of your grammar below.
Lady Macbeth and Ophelia , although are exact opposites in character and persona, play essential roles in the outcome of the plays. Lady Macbeth is a controlling woman, who then goes crazy with guilt and dies. Ophelia is a sweet, easily led on girl, who ,after losing everyone she loves, goes crazy and dies. (now here is where you need a sentence which ties up what you have discovered.)



Ok. ONe more time:

Though they are necessary characters in the plays, Lady Macbeth and Ophelia are exact opposites in character and persona. Lady Macbeth is a controlling woman, but then goes mad with guilt. Ophelia is a sweet girl, easily led on, who goes mentally unstable after her father dies, her love tells her to go away, and her brother is not around at the time. Both these women die in the end. According to Shakespeare women are intent on greed and if need be, death to accomplish their goal. Ophelia was not greedy; she was used and in a frail mental condition – definitely not one of Lady macbeth’s problems. Some women are like this, some women are not, just like the saying, “Stereotypes do not define all,” and, “Don’t judge a book by its cover.”

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