i need someones opinion on my essay. here is my draft
Throughout “Romeo and Juliet” Romeo and Paris are often compared. They have differences as well as similarities. The most important difference is the way and the reason of their love for Juliet. Although Juliet’s suitors Paris and Romeo are very similar on the outside, their thoughts and feelings are very different.
Romeo Montague is a young man of about sixteen. He is well respected by Verona since he is the son and heir of Montague and Lady Montague. When he found out about the Capulet’s family ball he and his cousin Benvolio decided to go. During the ball Romeo meets Juliet Capulet and falls in love with her at first sight. Despite the fact that Juliet is a Capulet and him a Montague, Romeo doesn’t care what she is all he knows is that he loves her, and that’s all that counts. He would do anything to be with her, even if it meant he had to take his own life. Even though their love is not accepted Friar Laurence is willing to marry these two young lovers. Romeo is considered well- educated, quick-witted, loyal, and unafraid of danger which is what makes him unique
Paris is a kinsman of the Prince, and the suitor of Juliet most preferred by Capulet. His love for Juliet isn’t as strong as Romeo’s. Paris doesn’t really care about Juliet’s feelings, never really gets to know Juliet. He just desires her for his wife, whereas Romeo truly loves her. At first Friar Laurence tries to raise objections about marrying Paris and Juliet. After being accepted by Juliet, He regards her more as property than as an individual. He is an audacious person just because he is a high class kinsman.
These two suitors are very divergent, they share some resemblance. They are both upper classmen young suitors in love at a young age. Both Romeo and Paris love Juliet in their own special way and wish to marry Juliet no matter what. Romeo and Paris are willing to marry Juliet without paying any mind to what anyone else has to say.
Everyone thinks and loves differently. These young men are examples of opposing suitors in love with the same girl. They might both be similar on the outside but their ways of thinking and their ways of loving are contradictory. “Romeo and Juliet” show these two characters and they are an example of two completely different characters being compares.
You need a conclusion.
You have a few ill-chosen words (him instead of he, or example), so go through with a critical eye to find those. I don't think you have reviewed this, as several sentences are choppy. The second to last sentence has the pronoun He as the first word, but you mentioned Friar Lawrence as the last proper noun. Hmmm. Change the He to Paris.
Having a conclusion is most needed, and the second most needed thing is a critical review by you. You can do better than this.
Here's a post made by a student tonight.
business - Narasaq, Monday, June 1, 2009 at 8:51pm
By paper, do you mean essay? If so, then I would say when I revise a paper, I read it four (minimum) times through. The first time, I read it for style, and word choice. I see if I can make any points more clear, add more detail, or use better vocabulary. The second time, I check for spelling and grammar. The third time I check again for spelling and grammar. And then the fourth time I read it over again with no goal in mind, to make sure that it flows well and that I'm pleased with the final product.
here is a possible critique of your essay draft:
Overall, your essay is a good start in exploring the differences between Romeo and Paris in Romeo and Juliet. However, there are a few areas where you could expand and enhance your analysis.
Firstly, in your introduction, you mention that Romeo and Paris are often compared in the play. It would be beneficial to provide some examples or situations in which they are explicitly compared. This would strengthen your argument and show that the comparison is significant within the larger context of the play.
Additionally, when discussing Romeo, you mention that he is well-respected and the heir of Montague, but it would be helpful to provide specific examples or evidence of these traits. For instance, you could mention scenes or dialogues where Romeo's loyalty or quick-wittedness is demonstrated. This would add depth and credibility to your analysis.
Moreover, when discussing Paris, you mention that he regards Juliet more as property than as an individual, but it would be valuable to include specific instances or quotes from the text that support this claim. By doing so, you can strengthen your analysis and provide a more comprehensive understanding of Paris's character.
Furthermore, it would be worthwhile to explore the motivations behind Romeo and Paris's love for Juliet. Why do they both desire to marry her? Are there any underlying factors that influence their feelings? By delving deeper into their motivations, you can offer a more nuanced analysis of their characters.
Lastly, your conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing your key points and reiterating the significance of the differences between Romeo and Paris. Additionally, you could consider connecting your analysis to larger themes or messages in the play, such as the nature of love or the consequences of impulsive decisions.
Overall, your essay shows promise but could benefit from further analysis and evidence from the text. By addressing these suggestions, you can enhance your argument and provide a more comprehensive and engaging analysis of Romeo and Paris in Romeo and Juliet.
Overall, your essay compares and contrasts Romeo and Paris, two suitors of Juliet in the play "Romeo and Juliet." You highlight the differences in their love for Juliet and their thoughts and feelings. You mention that Romeo is deeply in love with Juliet and willing to do anything for her, while Paris seems more interested in marrying her for his own benefit. You also note that Romeo is well-educated, quick-witted, loyal, and unafraid of danger, which sets him apart. On the other hand, you depict Paris as audacious and seeing Juliet more as property than an individual.
To get someone's opinion on your essay, you can follow these steps:
1. Share your draft with someone you trust, such as a teacher, classmate, or friend who has knowledge in English literature or literary analysis. They should be familiar with "Romeo and Juliet" to give you valuable feedback.
2. Ask them to read your essay carefully, focusing on the content, structure, clarity, and grammar.
3. Encourage them to provide specific comments or suggestions on areas that could be improved, such as the organization of your ideas, the use of evidence from the play to support your statements, or the overall flow of the essay.
4. Consider their feedback objectively and make any revisions you think would strengthen your essay.
Remember, feedback is valuable and can help you enhance your writing skills. It's important to be open to suggestions and use them to improve your essay.