I am writing an essay about the swimming pool in the Great Gatsby, but my second paragraph does not flow well, can someone give me some suggestions:
Here is my thesis:The importance of the swimming pool, which is not described at any length, is its psychological effect on Gatsby. The pool shows the wastefulness that can be a result of too much money in a generation that moves too fast.
and my second paragraph:
Gatsby has worked so hard to attain his mansion, his cars, his wealth, and his power, but he still doesn’t use them efficiently. He said to Nick, “Well, suppose we take a plunge in the swimming pool. I haven’t made use of it all summer,” (86) but he really did not want to go anywhere near it. A swimming pool in the 20s is something to have, something to admire, something to stage events around, but only average citizens would actually use it.
First of all, consider verb tense. Make sure that, throughout your paper, you are consistent in verb tenses -- keep them in the present tense or in the past. Don't mix them up.
The word "so" in the first sentence should be deleted. (There is no "that..." clause to complete the thought.)
Other than that, it seems fine.
Here are some suggestions to help improve the flow of your second paragraph:
Gatsby's relentless pursuit of wealth and status is evident in his acquisition of a grand mansion, luxurious cars, and an exorbitant amount of money. However, despite his efforts, Gatsby fails to utilize these possessions effectively. This is exemplified when he casually suggests to Nick, "Well, suppose we take a plunge in the swimming pool. I haven't made use of it all summer," (86). Although Gatsby makes this remark, it becomes apparent that he is reluctant to actually engage with the swimming pool. In the 1920s, the presence of a swimming pool was seen as a symbol of opulence and something to admire, yet it was primarily reserved for the enjoyment of average citizens rather than those of significant wealth.
In this revised paragraph, I have made a few changes to enhance the flow and coherence of your ideas. Firstly, I clarified Gatsby's pursuit, emphasizing his relentless efforts to acquire material possessions. Secondly, I incorporated a transition sentence to smoothly introduce Gatsby's mention of the swimming pool in the novel. I also expanded on the significance of the swimming pool as a symbol of wealth and highlighted the contrast between its status as an admired feature and its actual usage by the average citizens.
Remember, when revising paragraphs for flow, it is essential to ensure that your ideas are logically connected and presented in a cohesive manner.