My teacher said that my poem doesnt have any rhythm or sound.
Now after I corrected can you take a look and tell me how it sound as a narrative poem?
John and Fred are the closest friends
Never been suspend
They ride to school together
They sit and study for an hour.
They don't ever fight.
A girl named Isabel is new at their school
She is funny and cool
She is sweet and polite
They both like her a lot.
Soon they were fighting for her
They both became friends no longer
They had fought for the first time
Running from each other sometimes.
They didn't stop for a long time
Until they saw her at lunch time
With a tall, brown-haired boy, with dark brown eyes
Whom the two despised for giving up their tries.
Soon they both realized how bad they've been
They are too good of friends to fight over a girl
It wasn't worth ruining everything it did
Which taught them a valuable lesson.
They both were embarrassed for what had been done
Their fight was silly
Being friends is very special
And destroying it was hurtful
They are tight friends again.
In line 2, "suspend" must be the adjective "suspended." You STILL have no rhyme. Did you look carefully at the sample I did for you? I think it was last night.
There is a difference between prose and poetry.
Sra
john and fred are the closest friends
and have never been on suspense
they ride to school together
they sit and study for ever
isabel is admitted in their school
funny and cool as a tool
sweet and polite they may say
lovely and pretty by the day
they both began to like and adore her
and became friends no longer
because of a girl so young and tender
who provoked the height of temper
jealousy and anger then set in
for the period of time she came in
leading to hatred and fight eventually
of two friends so close mutually
for a long time they did not stop
until at lunch, when at the top
with a tall, brown-haired boy with dark brown eyes
ofwhom they despised for giving up their tries
soon they discovered how it was silly
to have fought as a bully
because of a girl who never cared
for a reason they never dared
so they decided to make ends meet
buliding their friendship as it dim fit
but learning a lesson from this mistake
and knowing that good friend's are better than the best stake.
try to show your teacher this...good luck
To determine how your poem sounds as a narrative poem with rhythm and sound, we can analyze the poem by examining its structure, rhyme scheme, and overall flow. Here's a breakdown of your poem:
In terms of structure, your poem consists of four stanzas, each containing four lines. This creates a consistent and balanced structure, which is typical for narrative poems. Each stanza presents a different stage in the story.
In terms of rhyme scheme, your poem follows a simple AABB pattern. For example, in the first stanza, the end rhymes are "friends" and "suspend," and in the second stanza, the end rhymes are "together" and "hour." This consistent rhyme scheme helps create a rhythmic and melodic quality to the poem.
Now, let's consider the overall flow and rhythm of your poem. When reading it aloud, you'll notice that the lines have a consistent number of syllables, which contributes to a sense of rhythm. However, it's important to note that the poem lacks varied meter or a specific poetic rhythm pattern, such as iambic pentameter. This might be what your teacher was referring to when they mentioned the poem lacking rhythm.
To enhance the rhythmic quality of your narrative poem, you could experiment with varying the syllable count and using poetic techniques like alliteration, repetition, or assonance. Adding these elements can give the poem a stronger musicality and help create a more distinct rhythm.
Overall, your poem tells a concise narrative and maintains a consistent rhyme scheme and structure. With some adjustments to the rhythmic elements, you can further enhance its sound as a narrative poem.