How do I re-write the following?
Another advertisement for Drakkar Noir Cologne shows a man dressed in black with two attractive blonde women, standing on either side of him, staring at him like innocent and naive young girls.
While flipping through a magazine there is no hesitation when one comes across an advertisement of a women lying naked, back exposed, on a cough (.....) One now has to really look to see that the women in the ad getting her clothes ripped off her, could be screeming for help rather than laughing.
We've done two for you. Now it's time for YOU to think and re-write. Let us know what you come up with.
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/modifiers.htm
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/parallelism.htm