WRITING

Could you please correct my essay?
The magic carpet
Once very hot day, I was looking for my criket bat down in the basement. I saw a beautiful colourful carpet was lying in the coner of the room as I came closer suddenly the carpet jumped! It moved and flied off into the air then a loud booming voice came from the carpet.
"Welcome O Master. I am a magic carpet and I am at your services"
I quickly ran upstairs and told Bryan, my younger brother. We both were very excited and decided to visit India. The magic carpet and us flied high up into the sky and landed in Delhi, the capital of India. There we saw a magnificient castle which belong to King Olama. King Olama was a tyrant ruler and most of the people of India despites him.
The weather was very humid but nice and sunny so we agreed to visit one of their famous market. At the market there were lots of people in their custom costumes and all the foods displayed are very interesting. We get to try some foods especialy their popular India curry chicken and it was delicious.
Then we flied passed a huge Budda statue, looking down we saw some monks praying in the temple.
The sky got dark so we flied back home, thanks to the magic carpet we both had a wonderful adventure.

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asked by BRENDON

  1. One, not once. cricket not criket. carpet was lying = carpet lying... room as = this is a run-on sentence. Either use a period or semicolon = room. As... flied off = flew off... air then = another run-on = air. Then... services" = usually singular and you need end punctuation = service."

    and us flied = "us" is an object and you need a subject = and we flew... belong = belonged (past tense) despites him.= despied (past tense as he is no longer living, right?)

    market. = needs to be plural = markets. foods = possible, although this word is usually singular = food there were lots of people = this sets the scene for telling your story in the past tense, so foods were (or food was), We got to try (also past tnese) ... especially (spelling is off)...Indian curry = an adjective (Indian) not a noun (India)

    Then we flew past a huge...statue. Looking (another run-on sentence)

    so we flew back home and thanks (instead of another short sentence, you can often combine a run-on sentence with something like "and, but, etc."

    It's an interesting story but you should skip lines or indent for each paragraph, work on spelling and grammar.

    Sra

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    posted by SraJMcGin

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