Hi, I wrote this poem and I was wondering if someone could please edit it for me? Thanks
In my dreams, creeps up a guy,
Mysterious he is; as I know him not.
He smiles and I gaze-with a heartfelt sigh,
Daydreaming often of a true love knot.
His face personifies beauty,
From his perfect chin to his silken hair,
I would love to die for him as duty;
I wouldn’t even ever care.
When he pulls me close, I almost faint
For he is so amazing
He has a face of an angel and deeds of a saint
It’s suddenly hard to stop gazing
Then all of a sudden he falls and is dead
My eyes pop in shock
But I wake up and find myself in bed…
Stupid alarm clock!
The pattern is A B A B but I'm not even sure if all the words rhyme. Thanks again for the help
-MC
I love it! It has such a serious, romantic quality, and then it surprises you with the humor at the end! :-)
My one suggestion is in the line where you say "for he is so amazing" I think you should add something like, "for he is so _____ and amazing." Something like handsome or some other good describing word.
If you make any changes, post it again, because I'd love to read it! :-)
Thanks! I'll try to add a word that fits because I need the meter of the poem to be even. There are definitely going to be more changes in it though, and I'll be posting them up so keep a lookout =) Thanks again Cassie!
-MC
I added 'strikingly amazing' to that line because I didn't want to make it too long.
-MC
That sounds good!
Thanks =]
-MC
Do you have a title if you don't it should be My Mystery Guy
My friend cassie told me to look at your poem i love itt!
Hi MC! I'd be happy to help you with editing your poem. To check if the words rhyme properly, let's go through each pair of lines in your poem and see if they follow the A B A B rhyme pattern.
In the first two lines, "guy" and "know him" do not rhyme. To maintain the A B A B pattern, you might consider replacing "guy" with a word that rhymes with "not."
The next two lines, "sigh" and "love knot," do rhyme and follow the pattern. Well done!
Moving on to the next two lines, "beauty" and "hair" do not rhyme. To maintain the A B A B pattern, you could replace "beauty" with a word that rhymes with "hair."
In the following two lines, "him" and "care" do rhyme and follow the pattern. Great job!
Now, let's examine the next two lines, "faint" and "amazing." Unfortunately, these words do not rhyme. To maintain the A B A B pattern, you could replace "faint" with a word that rhymes with "amazing."
Lastly, in the final two lines, "shock" and "clock" rhyme and follow the pattern. Well done!
To summarize, the following lines do not rhyme and might need to be adjusted:
- "In my dreams, creeps up a guy"
- "From his perfect chin to his silken hair"
- "When he pulls me close, I almost faint"
To ensure they all rhyme and follow the A B A B pattern, you can try replacing the words mentioned above.
I hope this helps! Let me know if you need further assistance.