position paper+can someone edit it for me thanks!

thanks Writeacher

What is a senate? A senate is the upper house of the legislature. It is also know as the red chamber. The senate’s job is to undertake in-depth inquiries into issues. Many people argue against and for the senate this is an important issue because this decides whether the senators should be elected or appointed (and by whom) what regions groups or people they should represent; and what powers they should have.Some people would favor the senate because it is organized; it gives voice to many provinces, it is responsible. The Senates does have important jobs one of them is hosting the Speech from the Throne. A hand full of people would argue that the senate should be abolished because the senates do nothing. For example, the senates don’t have a voice when bills are passed, they can express there opinion but it in reality it will not be taken into consideration. What has the senate done for Canada? I believe that the best position is to abolish the senate.


What is a senate? A senate is the upper house of the legislature. Hold it! If you are referring to the US Senate, you need to say so. A "senate" in general is simply a council of the elderly (wisest) men in whatever government you are referring to. Please rethink your phrasing in the first two sentences. It is also known as the red chamber<~~by whom?. The senate’s job is to undertake in-depth inquiries into issues. Many people argue against and for the senate<~~run-on this<~~"this" = what? is an important issue because this<~~"this" = what? decides whether the senators should be elected or appointed (and by whom)<~~add comma what regions groups or people they should represent;<~~change semicolon to comma and what powers they should have.<~~add space after periodSome people<~~who? would favor the senate<~~favor it how? its existence? the way it works? what? because it is organized;<~~change semicolon to comma it gives voice to many provinces, <~~add conjunction it is responsible. The Senates does have important jobs<~~run-on one of them is hosting the Speech from the Throne<~~??. A hand full<~~check spelling of people<~~who? would argue that the senate should be abolished because the senates<~~plural? do nothing. For example, the senates<~~plural don’t have a voice when bills are passed,<~~run-on they can express there<~~should be "their" opinion<~~add comma but it<~~delete "it" in reality it<~~what is "it"? will not be taken into consideration. What has the senate done for Canada? I believe that the best position is to abolish the senate.

Somone else will be better suited to commenting on the content of your paper. Here are some further comments on the writing:

Paragraphing? There seem to be three paragraphs here. Be sure to make the proper separations.

You'll need to work on avoiding vague references that are almost always caused by the indiscriminate use of "it" and "people" and "some" (etc.).

Get a handle on run-ons; make sure you always write in complete sentences. Also get a handle on the uses of commas and semicolons and when to use each one.

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/runons.htm

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/commas.htm

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/marks/semicolon.htm

=)

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