I need assistance please all critics welcome.

Background
You’ve applied for a specific job in your field of study. The Human Resources Department arranges an
interview and tells you to bring with you a polished piece of writing for them to evaluate your writing
skills. The paragraph must describe one particular experience you’ve had that inspired you or guided
you to choose the type of position for which you applied.
Your audience is your potential employer and your purpose is to show you have thought carefully

about what and/or who has motivated you toward this career choice and why. In addition, you want
to convey your enthusiasm for this position as it relates to your inspiring experience. Take time to
think about what your audience wants to know and strive to reach a balance between informal and
formal business writing.
Process
1. Prewrite about your field of study and create a specific job for which you might want to apply
at a particular business or organization in your area. Outline what that position would look like.
Brainstorm details, names, titles, and facts to provide depth to your paragraph and enable you
to write a polished paragraph.

This is what I have please help.

In response to your job listing in the community journal, I understand you are seeking a Project Manager
to work in the Clark County area. I know this is an excellent job for me. I followed my dreams right out
of high school to have acquired the organization, leadership, and strategy skills I learned from the
United States Armed Forces. Sargent Jones, U.S. Army recruiter inspired me by his determination in
searching for the perfect career choice. Now I am furthering my education and I believe I am a
qualified for this position with Clark County to ensure the projects run smoothly; and are delivered on
schedule and within budget. I was so excited to see this job opening in my own county to continue with
my passion of serving others and helping to community as well, with the same goals and ambitions that I
thrive for, therefore, I would love to pursue my career goals here in Clark County.

OK, MY COMMENTS ARE IN CAPITALS AFTER THE SENTENCE INVOLVED.

In response to your job listing in the community journal, I understand you are seeking a Project Manager FOR WHAT? to work in the Clark County area. I know this is an excellent job for me VERY WEAK STATEMENT. I followed my dreams right out of high school to have acquired the organization, leadership, and strategy skills I learned from the
United States Armed Forces. NEED TO SAY WHAT YOU DID IN THE AIR FORCE THAT APPLIES DIRECTLY TO PROJECT MANAGEMENT. HONESTLY, THIS READS AS IF YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT PROJECT MANAGEMENT INVOLVES (GETTING THE JOB DONE ON TIME, WITHIN BUDGET, AND COMPLETE) Sargent Jones, U.S. Army recruiter inspired me by his determination in searching for the perfect career choice DELETE, TRITE. Now I am furthering my education and I believe I am a qualified for this position with Clark County to ensure the projects run smoothly; and are delivered on schedule and within budget. I was so excited to see this job opening in my own county to continue with my passion of serving others and helping to community as well, with the same goals and ambitions that I thrive for, therefore, I would love to pursue my career goals here in Clark County. IT SEEMS TO ME YOU ARE FOCUSING ON HOW THIS WORK MEETS YOUR NEEDS, AND IT IS LIKELY THAT IS NOT THE NEEDS OF THE COMPANY. RECOMMEND FOCUS A LITTLE MORE ON THE COMPANY'S NEEDS. THE STATEMENT ( I would love to pursue my career goals) IS NOT EXACTLY WHAT THE COMPANY IS LOOKING FOR, ALBEIT IT MIGHT BE WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR.