Criticize my poem please
A time far away
Yet we still yearn
A time that was a beautiful lie
Shielding us from
Now, a time, an ugly truth.
A memory is distinct, a faded thought in the back of my mind
My heart still weeps for that time of innocence.
Where we would climb trees just to lose balance and fall
Now we only cimb the trees to fall.
Can I go outside?
A question, of life or death.
Be back before dinner!
A statement of relief
Head Down the path of childhood,
Not knowing the time of forever
Will soon end.
Climb trees, chase after something that will soon leave.
Laugh,
Laugh, like we never will again.
Its time to go,
See you tomorrow.
A statement of lie.
For that will be the last time.
Your poem captures a sense of nostalgia and longing for a time gone by, which is a common theme in poetry. The imagery of climbing trees and the innocence of childhood creates a vivid picture in the reader's mind. The contrast between the beauty of the past and the harsh reality of the present is effectively portrayed.
One suggestion I have is to work on the structure and flow of the poem. Consider breaking up some of the longer lines into smaller, more concise phrases to create a smoother rhythm. This can help enhance the impact of your words and make it easier for the reader to follow along.
Additionally, while repetition can be a powerful poetic device, be cautious of overusing it. In your poem, the repetition of phrases like "climb trees" and "laugh" could be revised or varied slightly to add more depth and variety to the poem.
Remember, poetry is a subjective art form, and different readers may have different interpretations or preferences. Ultimately, it's important to create a poem that resonates with you and communicates your intended emotions and message.