We have to write a short poem about a feeling. I chose nostalgia. Can someone help Critique?
Let’s go today,
A far away that’s close to us.
A time long ago,
Before a life of known.
A time,
Where worries had not existed.
Lets go today,
Lets wonder away,
And
Find ourselves
Lost in imagination.
One step,
Two steps,
Follow me, this way.
Life of struggling,
Unoriginal life.
Life of pain,
Life of sadness,
Boring life.
Lets go today,
A time far, far away.
nostalgia; a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations.
With this definition, your last rhyme doesn't seem to fit, unless you mean it as a contrast to your nostalgia, but that is not clear.
Possibly "Life struggling now" and "Back to a time far away."
I hope this helps.
Lets wonder away, ...
did you mean "wander" ?
and be sure always to include the apostrophe in "Let's"
Here's a critique of your poem about nostalgia:
Firstly, the poem begins with an engaging invitation that captures the reader's attention. The use of the phrase "A far away that's close to us" is intriguing and sets a nostalgic tone. However, it might be beneficial to provide more specific imagery or details to create a stronger nostalgic atmosphere.
The repetition of the phrase "Lets go today" is effective in emphasizing the longing to escape to a different time. It portrays a desire to relive or revisit a period when worries were nonexistent. Additionally, the line "Find ourselves lost in imagination" reinforces the theme of nostalgia and the desire to escape reality.
The poem's structure relies on short phrases and fragmented sentences, which can contribute to the feeling of hesitation and uncertainty portrayed in the text. However, consider varying the sentence structure to add more depth and balance to your poem.
In terms of improvement, the poem could benefit from more vivid language and sensory details to evoke the essence of nostalgia more powerfully. Consider incorporating specific sights, sounds, smells, or feelings associated with the past to create a more immersive experience for the reader.
Lastly, the concluding lines express a contrast between the mundane present and the yearning for a distant time. The repetition of "Life" creates a sense of monotony and dissatisfaction with the current state, highlighting the longing for something more exciting and fulfilling.
Overall, your poem effectively conveys a sense of nostalgia and the desire to escape to a different time. By incorporating more descriptive language and sensory details, you can enhance the emotional impact and make the experience of reading the poem more immersive for the reader.