Please let me know how I can improve this thank you.

Directions: After reading the JA memo construct an appropriate email to send to your instructor. Make sure you include the following Opening First paragraph, Summary, second paragraph, Reflect, third paragraph: Reflect on reading strategies and how they helped you gather information from the document. Conclusion, fourth paragraph: Summarize your opening, your two body paragraphs, and provide a strong concluding sentence.

This is what I have so far

TO: ( my instructor’s name) actual name is there

Re: Summary of the JA Memo

Dear Ms. xxxxxxxxxxxx

I am writing to inform you that I have read and summarized the JA memo you requested, it was my pleasure to do so.

The main purpose of this memo, written by Joe Achiever is to discuss the JA 23rd annual Junior Achievement Bowl-a-thon fundraiser. This event will take place on Saturday, November 1st in the Greater Bridgeport/Valley area and then on Saturday, November 8 th in the Greater Danbury area. The fundraiser will be held at three different locations. Brookfield Lanes in Brookfield, Nutmeg Lanes in Fairfield, and Valley Bowl in Derby. This fundraiser will benefit educational programs for schools throughout the region. (elementary, middle, and high school students). The last point of the memo is that a “Best Dressed Bowling Pin” contest will be held. Awards are made for each shift at all locations. Each member winning first or second place at all bowling shifts will win a prize. It does not matter how well you can bowl.

I used the following reading strategies to help me gather the necessary information from the JA memo. I read the document for a second time to ensure no important information was missed the first time I read it. This also gave me the opportunity to take notes and underline the major points.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for taking the time to read my summary. If you have any questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

Best regards,

Luxxxx xxxxxx

I think some parts may be to wordy for my summary.

I am sure if I should use something like this. The Fundraiser will be on 2 different dates at 3 different locations.

Yes, wordy!! If you remove the underlined parts below (and rephrase if necessary; I've included some wording in bold in places), it should read more smoothly. Once you've done that, though, be sure to read it out loud to someone, just to make sure there are no extra words and no omitted words.

———————

I am writing to inform you that I have read and summarized The JA memo you requested, it was my pleasure to do so is summarized below.

The main purpose of this memo, written by Joe Achiever's memo is to give details about the JA 23rd annual Junior Achievement Bowl-a-thon fundraiser. This event will take place on Saturday, November 1st, in the Greater Bridgeport/Valley area and continued on Saturday, November 8th, in the Greater Danbury area. The fundraiser will be held at three different locations: Brookfield Lanes in Brookfield, Nutmeg Lanes in Fairfield, and Valley Bowl in Derby. This fundraiser will benefit educational programs for schools throughout the region. (elementary, middle, and high school students). The last point of the memo is that Finally, a “Best Dressed Bowling Pin” contest will be held. Awards are made for each shift at all locations. Each member winning first or second place at all bowling shifts will win a prize. It does not matter how well you can bowl.

I used the following reading strategies to help me gather the necessary information from the JA memo. I read Joe Achiever's document twice to ensure no important information was missed the first time I read it. This also gave me the opportunity to take notes and underline the major points.

I would like to take this opportunity to Thank you for taking the time to read my summary. If you have any questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

To improve your email, here are a few suggestions:

1. Opening First paragraph: The opening paragraph could be more engaging and concise. Instead of simply stating that you read and summarized the JA memo, you can express your enthusiasm for the event and your understanding of its importance. For example:

"Dear Ms. [Instructor's Name],

I hope this email finds you well. I wanted to reach out to share my excitement about the JA 23rd annual Junior Achievement Bowl-a-thon fundraiser memo. Having read and analyzed the memo, I am grateful for the opportunity to summarize its key points."

2. Summary second paragraph: The summary paragraph is well-written and provides a clear overview of the main points discussed in the memo. However, you can improve the flow and readability by separating the information into bullet points or numbered lists. For example:

"The main points covered in the JA memo are as follows:
- The Junior Achievement Bowl-a-thon fundraiser will take place on Saturday, November 1st in the Greater Bridgeport/Valley area and on Saturday, November 8th in the Greater Danbury area.
- The fundraiser will be held at three different locations: Brookfield Lanes in Brookfield, Nutmeg Lanes in Fairfield, and Valley Bowl in Derby.
- The event aims to benefit educational programs for elementary, middle, and high school students across the region.
- Additionally, there will be a "Best Dressed Bowling Pin" contest, with awards given for each shift at all locations. Prize winners will include members who secure first or second place in all bowling shifts, regardless of their bowling skills."

3. Reflect third paragraph: The reflection paragraph is missing details about the reading strategies you applied and how they helped you gather information from the memo. Here's an improved version:

"To ensure a comprehensive understanding of the JA memo, I employed several reading strategies that proved beneficial in gathering essential information. First, I read through the document twice, allowing me to capture any details I may have missed during the initial read. Additionally, I actively took notes and underlined crucial points, enabling me to extract key information effectively. These strategies helped me form a concise summary while ensuring I didn't overlook any significant details."

4. Conclusion fourth paragraph: The concluding paragraph is short and could be expanded to summarize the entire email more effectively. You can also express gratitude for the opportunity to engage with the memo and provide a strong closing sentence. For example:

"Thank you for giving me the chance to read and summarize the JA memo. It was an insightful document, and I appreciate being able to communicate its key points. If you have any further questions or concerns, please feel free to reach out to me. I look forward to applying my learnings from this memo in our upcoming coursework.

Best regards,
[Your Name]"

Remember to proofread your email for any grammatical or spelling errors before sending it.