hi everyone. i was wondering if someone can take a look at my introduction paragraph& thesis and give me comments/critiques. thanks!!!

Vernacular language allows a subculture to distinguish itself from the mainstream and literary culture. Vernacular lyrics are often overlooked because they appear unimportant and nonsensical in comparison to literary poems; however, these informal texts affect the individuals within the subculture and the mainstream society. Popular vernacular materials, such as nursery rhymes and metrical charms, present common poetic qualities; for example, they make use of rhythm, verse format, imagery, repetition, and they also demonstrate the power of language. The intensity of language and its power is apparent in the military’s vernacular subculture. Similar poetic qualities can be identified in a comparative analysis between military marching chants and the popular vernacular forms of nursery rhymes and metrical charms. Although military marching chants build camaraderie and motivation among soldiers, they also demonstrate the harmful affects of vernacular poetic materials because of their offensive nature and manipulative intentions.

Thank you for using the Jiskha Homework Help Forum. Your introductory paragraph looks powerful! The only thing I can't read are the "hieroglyphics" between "military" and "vernacular."

From the introduction paragraph you have provided, it seems that you are discussing the importance and impact of vernacular language in distinguishing subcultures from mainstream and literary culture. You mention how vernacular lyrics are often overlooked but actually have an influence on individuals within the subculture and mainstream society. You further explore the common poetic qualities found in popular vernacular materials, such as rhythm, verse format, imagery, repetition, and the power of language. You also mention the military's vernacular subculture and compare it to nursery rhymes and metrical charms in terms of poetic qualities. Finally, you highlight both the positive effects of military marching chants in terms of building camaraderie and motivation among soldiers, as well as their harmful effects due to offensive nature and manipulative intentions.

Overall, your introduction paragraph seems comprehensive and well-structured. It clearly states the topic and main arguments, and provides a solid foundation for further development in the essay. However, without being able to see the text correctly between "military" and "vernacular," it is difficult to provide a more specific critique.