Please, help me edit this.
The imperfections of the characters in Chloe
“All of us are imperfect human beings living in an imperfect world.” This quote by Haruki Murakami speaks of how there is no such thing as perfection. In Chloe by Kateri Akiwenzenzie-Damn, the narrator and main character are an example of imperfect human beings. The author maintains the reader’s compassion for the characters despite their flaws. The narrator, Ruthie, helps her childhood friend, Alistair search for his missing sister. Through this journey, their flaws are shown, but each flaw is an indication of their pain and love.
Alistair’s volatile nature, both his violent and emotional outbursts are flaws but also are indicative of the pain he is in and how much he loves his sister. The short story begins with Alistair and Ruthie driving around the city, searching around for Alistair’s missing sister, Chloe. Alistair's outburst occurred when he slams his civic car “into the park” and when he jumps out of his car to slam “his fist into the nearest fence, light pole, and door” (Akiwenzie-Damm 121). Furthermore, when he heard the story about the missing women on the news, he reacted harshly. “His phone was ripped out of the wall and the TV was in pieces, either kicked in or smashed with a chair” (Akiwenzie-Damm 123). Although his outbursts can be seen as flaws, they are also results of not finding his missing sister, and not knowing other ways to deal with his emotions.
His over-protectiveness, both towards Chloe and Ruthie – again, in one sense a flaw, but there’s readers’ compassion because he is trying to keep the women he cares about safe. Alistair “never strayed far from his sister and no matter what he was doing he’d look her every few minutes” (Akiwenzie-Damm 125). He did this so he could protect her from their abusive step-father. If anyone approached Chloe in a bad way, “he was immediately by her side” (Akiwenzie-Damm 125). So, when Chloe told him she was leaving, he felt hurt and helpless. He uses the same strategy as he did with Chloe, but he watches Ruthie “more carefully, more aware, stronger, and less innocent” (Akiwenzie-Damm 127). His protectiveness towards Ruthie leads him to examine Ruthie’s boyfriend, Jayjay. It took “a suitable amount of surveillance, questioning and snipping for traces of windigo” to trust him (Akiwenzie-Damm 129). Furthermore, Alistair’s flaw was caring too much about each women’s safety.
Ruthie leaving Chloe alone with Tom is a flaw, but she only did it because of her fear of Tom. When she and her sister, Roxy was walking on the road with Chloe, she meets Tom for the first time. When he walked towards them, she felt her “hair stand” and a “strange sensation” on the back of her neck (Akiwenzie-Damm 125). Although she notices the light in Chloe’s eyes went out, she escapes with her sister, leaving “Chloe to face the dark” (Akiwenzie-Damm 127). Nevertheless, it is clear she does care about Chloe, both in the past and present. Before she escaped with her sister, she invited Chloe to have dinner with their family. In the present, she is unable to forget her.
In conclusion, there’s readers’ compassion for Ruthie and Alistair despite their flaws. Alistair's over-protectiveness and outbursts were because he cares for the women in his life. Also, Ruthie leaving Chloe behind was because of her fear of Tom. Thus, this proves that each flaw is an indication of their pain and love.
much better.
In the last sentence of first paragraph, recommend this: ..."shown, but within each flaw is an indication of their pain and love.
second para, second line, recommend ..."indicative of the pain he feels and how.."
second para, next to last line...what about ..."Although his outbursts are flaws in his emotional control, they are results of not finding his missing sister, and not having other ways to deal with his emotions. "
third para, last sentence is just plain off target. I dont see that as a flaw. What about this:" Alistair was flawed with his absolute inability to protect others he loved.
fourth para, first line: what about this..."Ruthie leaving Chloe alone with Tom is reveals a flaw in her judgement, or her courage, but she only did it because of her fear of Tom"
fourth para: read is all aloud to yourself. It does not flow well.
fifth para. First sentence...what about ..." In conclusion, there’s readers’ compassion for Ruthie and Alistair despite their personal flaws"
last sentence: insert "personal" in front of flaw.
Much improved over first version, you are getting more focused on the conflicts in the story.