The topic is: What is one quality/ value you refuse to compromise or give up?
MY quality,values, and morals: Being nice, respectable, and helping others
The essay have to be 375 words and 1.5 pages double space. I have 404 words so I know I need to reduce word limit.
I wanted you guys to check my essay for me. Tell me if its good, any grammar errors, punctuation errors, and other errors.
I go to Clark Atlanta University and am a senior
Here is my essay:
How many of you have certain qualities about yourself that you are not willing to give up? Values and morals are something that guides our lives onto the right path. It is a compromise we make with ourselves that tells us how to behave in the world. They are specific instances of actions where we use our morals and values. Mine is my character and the way I carry myself because I like being nice/respectful to people and helpful to most.
Being a helpful person allows me to hear other people’s problems and offer my best advice I can give. Furthermore, being a person who is always ready to give help, incorporates the other person into his or her life. I love helping others without particular reasons such as, money or self-satisfaction because I do it out of the kindest of my heart and know this is what God has plan for me. The morality behind helping others transform the world into a better place.
In addition, I believe that being a nice person is inseparable from being helpful. A nice person is approachable, listens to the other and relates to him or her. There is no way in which a person with those traits would refuse to help another when asked to. Even more, there is a high possibility that such a person would act on his or her own accord and help others in any way possible. I believe that being nice is fundamental in this world.
With the previous, it is obvious that I believe these two values are essential to my being. I refuse to compromise them, in other words, they are an inseparable part of me. Refusing to act this way would lead me to a contradiction. When faced with actions that threaten these values or the importance I give to them the only option I can foresee is upholding them, no matter what consequences it may bring. Acting in a helpful manner and being nice to others is something I believe everybody must do. By doing so, the world could become a better place. However, I am not denying there are many people that share these values, what I question is how many of them are unwilling to compromise their values. There is no doubt that much of the people we see in the streets are nice and helpful, but they are so on certain occasions only.
The first thing I do when proof reading is...
READ it out loud to myself.
Have you done this?
When you read something out loud to yourself often grammar errors and tense errors are found.
I am not an English major so there are others on this website that would be better suited to help you.
Until one of them is available on-line I would suggest you read it out loud to yourself. I found several errors this way... and only read your first three lines.
Hope this helps,
Ms Pi_3.14159265
You are a senior at a University? You need to hire a lawyer to get your money back. This "essay" does not speak well of your ability to analyze, and formulate, and craft your thoughts into a convincing fluid articulate session. I suspect you can do much better than this.
a. First, 375 words is a severe limit on an essay. I wish I knew the assignment topic assigned: if it is "MY quality,values, and morals", your focus in such a short essay probably should examine your failings in those, and how you are struggling to overcome those. St Paul's writings, and St. Augustine (Confessions) come to mind. I say this because what you have written sounds much like DJT telling us how great he is, when we know better. I suspect your friends know better also. You ought to discuss it with some of them, if they can be honest.
b. Grammar aside, and Ms Pi's suggestions are apt, content is much more important (to me). Most readers can struggle thru grammar and punctuation errors, if the content sticks. This to me is your biggest weakness.
c. In such a short pictograph, I think you would be better served to lay out the following: what you are aiming for in your life, how you fall short, and how you will overcome it. Think of AA, and their 12 steps, but condense them.
d. What do others say your qualities are? Have you asked them? What are your shortcomings? Have you asked them? That would make for powerful content. I am thinking again of <Confessions> by St Augustine. You may have not read that yet, it is normally fodder for graduate students, but it does nourish the soul.
e. I suggest start over, trying to outline first what I have noted above.
Good luck to you in life, and thanks for posting. I personally would like to see your final product.
Upon thinking, if your topic is a quality you refuse to give up...then concentrate on why it is important..to you, and others, and what does it fit in to your concept of right and wrong.
With that, the above post still applies.... how you see that quality should exist in you (and others?), how you are short-changing it, and what is your plan to make it work long term? That ought to fit into a short pictograph well.
I appreciates you guys feed back. Idont have failings in this because I am always nice maybe a little too nice. I talked about why it is important to me. I feel like I don't want to start over the question asked wht are my qualities that I have not what other people think it is all abkut me
This essay is suppose to be about me not other people. The teacher want me to talk about my qualities and why I refuse to give it up.
OK. My two cent take. I thought the topic was a good one. I read it with interest. I believe the beginning and middle of the essay are better than the ending. I thought the ending was weak. As you read and reread this and polish it before finishing, I suggest you put some effort into cutting sections that more or less repeat earlier statements. The duplication was akin to "this student is trying to 'get the word count' up".From a personal standpoint I didn't pan it as one other tutor did. I, too, read this aloud and found several misspellings and several grammar errors; however, I am far from an English major/essay writter/grammar critic so I will leave that to others better qualified than I. I wouldn't worry about the 404 words UNLESS the prof stated specifically that it was not to exceed 375 words. Back in the days when I wrote essays it was difficult to write ENOUGH. Finally, let me encourage you to keep at it. One doesn't get good at this overnight.
Overall, your essay is well-written and effectively conveys your values of being nice, respectful, and helpful to others. It is clear that these qualities are important to you and that you are committed to upholding them.
Here are a few suggestions to help you reduce the word count and make your essay more concise:
1. Remove repetitive statements: For example, you mention multiple times that being nice and helpful is essential to you. Instead, you can consolidate these statements into one or two strong sentences that emphasize your commitment to these values.
2. Avoid unnecessary explanations: While it's important to explain your values, some of the explanations in your essay could be streamlined to save space. Focus on the key points and avoid going into too much detail.
3. Check for wordy phrases: Look for any phrases or sentences that can be simplified without losing their meaning. For example, "When faced with actions that threaten these values or the importance I give to them the only option I can foresee is upholding them, no matter what consequences it may bring" can be shortened to "I am committed to upholding these values, regardless of the consequences."
4. Use concise language: Make sure every word and sentence serves a purpose. Eliminate any unnecessary words or phrases to make your essay more concise without losing its meaning.
Additionally, since the word count goal is 375 words, you could consider expanding on your examples or providing additional supporting evidence to strengthen your argument.
Overall, your essay effectively communicates your values and beliefs, but with some revisions, you can further enhance its clarity and conciseness while staying within the word limit.