I'm trying to write an introduction to my paragraph can you help,does this make sense?
Many may think that letting teens play violent role-playing games has little to no effect on their behavior. What many don’t know though, are negative impacts on the lives of teens when allowed to play violent role-playing games. Parents who let their kids play video games wonder why their kids aren’t the top at their school. Teens should not be able to play violent role-playing games because students are forced to pay money, they put teens under unnecessary pressure, and they encourage them to take dangerous risks which is illustrated in “High Jinks:Shoot-Out”.
I think, first, you should explain clearly what the negative impacts are. Do grades suffer? Is the cost of playing the games a bad thing? What unnecessary pressure, to do what? The only clear statement is that such games encourage teens to take dangerous risks.
That might take more than one paragraph. But a topic sentence states the point of the paragraph: violent role playing games are bad or teenagers.
is this better?
Many may think that letting teens play violent role-playing games has little to no effect on their behavior. What many don’t know though, are negative impacts on the lives of teens when allowed to play violent role-playing games. Research has shown that many teens poorly in school when allowed to play video games. Teens should not be able to play violent role-playing games because students are forced to pay money, they put teens under unnecessary pressure, and they encourage them to take dangerous risks which are illustrated in “High Jinks: Shoot-Out.”
i finally think i got it can you help
Many may think that letting teens play violent role-playing games has little to no effect on their behavior. What many don’t know though, are negative impacts on the lives of teens when allowed to play violent role-playing games. Research has shown that many teens poorly in school when allowed to play video games. Teens should not be able to play violent role-playing games because students are forced to pay money, they put teens under unnecessary pressure causing bad grades, and they encourage them to take dangerous risks which are illustrated in “High Jinks: Shoot-Out.”
Your introduction provides a clear statement about the negative impacts of allowing teens to play violent role-playing games. However, it can be improved by making the sentences flow more smoothly and ensuring that the main points are effectively highlighted. Here's a revised version:
"Contrary to popular belief, the influence of violent role-playing games on teenage behavior should not be underestimated. While many may argue that there are no significant consequences, the reality is quite different. Parents who allow their children to engage in these games often find their academic performance suffering. This highlights the adverse effects such games can have on teens, as they prompt them to spend money, subject them to unnecessary pressure, and even encourage them to take dangerous risks. This is vividly illustrated in the thought-provoking article 'High Jinks: Shoot-Out'."
Remember, your introductory paragraph should provide a succinct overview of the main points that will be discussed in your subsequent paragraphs. It should grab the reader's attention and make them interested in reading further.