I need someone to please revise my college essay, I've had some teachers look over it and help me make it better. But well... I'm at home right now and I don't have anyone to help me at the moment. Anything will be do really.
Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience or achievement that has special meaning to you.
My most significant achievement has been becoming a member and earning the position of Vice President for the Best Buddies International club at John A. Ferguson Senior High school. Best Buddies is an organization dedicated to enhancing the lives of people with intellectual disabilities by providing opportunities for one-to-one friendships. Because of the opportunity that best Buddies offers, I now strive to become a better person as well as a greater leader every day of my life.
When I first heard of Best Buddies, I was touched by its sincere goal of promoting friendship and helping these people realize that they are no different from others. My first experience in Best Buddies was at a leadership conference held at the University of Miami. At this meeting a close friend asked me about the real meaning of friendship, “Imagine what it would be like to have no friends other than your parents,” was the phrase that caught my attention. Through one-to-one friendships, the organization incorporates students with intellectual disabilities with the rest of the teenage population with the help of a regular student. Many of the students of the special education program spend their day with minimal to no interaction with other students outside of the program. I was sure that I wanted to be involved and become a member of Best Buddies.
Shortly after joining the club, I was paired with my buddy Victor. When I first met Victor he was very shy, yet he was so eager to be my friend. I was confident that we would have an amazing friendship, and I am happy to say that I was right. Throughout the week I meet with Victor and each day widens my perspective of what friendship really is. Sometimes, I feel as though I am the one learning and benefiting from the experience. Victor’s fun loving attitude and sincerity makes me want to be a better person, not just for him, but for the community. Victor has taught more than any other friend I have ever had, just because of the way he lives his life; he does not worry about things, he is always happy, but what I admire the most of him is that he lives his life in the moment and makes the most of it.
When I was first offered the position of vice president, I was apprehensive, yet I was sure that I could handle the responsibility. I want to help others see the beauty in all people with intellectual disabilities. I want my friends to realize that to find friendship, you must see people for their abilities rather than their disabilities. I have learned so much, and I want to share that knowledge with the rest of the world. I know I will be the best person that I can be for Victor. My most significant achievement has not been becoming the vice president of Best Buddies; it has been finding a true friendship and being a real friend to someone.
This is my essay! ughh
My most significant achievement has been becoming a member and earning the position of Vice President for the Best Buddies International club at John A. Ferguson Senior High school. Best Buddies is an organization dedicated to enhancing the lives of people with intellectual disabilities by providing opportunities for one-to-one friendships. Because of the opportunity that best Buddies offers, I now strive to become a better person as well as a greater leader every day of my life.
When I first heard of Best Buddies, I was touched by its sincere goal of promoting friendship and helping these people realize that they are no different from others. My first experience in Best Buddies was at a leadership conference held at the University of Miami. At this meeting a close friend asked me about the real meaning of friendship, “Imagine what it would be like to have no friends other than your parents,” was the phrase that caught my attention. Through one-to-one friendships, the organization incorporates students with intellectual disabilities with the rest of the teenage population with the help of a regular student. Many of the students of the special education program spend their day with minimal to no interaction with other students outside of the program. I was sure that I wanted to be involved and become a member of Best Buddies.
Shortly after joining the club, I was paired with my buddy Victor. When I first met Victor he was very shy, yet he was so eager to be my friend. I was confident that we would have an amazing friendship, and I am happy to say that I was right. Throughout the week I meet with Victor and each day widens my perspective of what friendship really is. Sometimes, I feel as though I am the one learning and benefiting from the experience. Victor’s fun loving attitude and sincerity makes me want to be a better person, not just for him, but for the community. Victor has taught more than any other friend I have ever had, just because of the way he lives his life; he does not worry about things, he is always happy, but what I admire the most of him is that he lives his life in the moment and makes the most of it.
When I was first offered the position of vice president, I was apprehensive, yet I was sure that I could handle the responsibility. I want to help others see the beauty in all people with intellectual disabilities. I want my friends to realize that to find friendship, you must see people for their abilities rather than their disabilities. I have learned so much, and I want to share that knowledge with the rest of the world. I know I will be the best person that I can be for Victor. My most significant achievement has not been becoming the vice president of Best Buddies; it has been finding a true friendship and being a real friend to someone.
You need to add some real specifics here. Use false names if you have to, but give some specific examples of others you have worked with (what you did together, what progress you think the other person made, etc.).
Your paper is full of generalities -- and they aren't bad; they just need clarifying with some REAL specific examples.
I had a problem posting the essay up, that's only 2 paragraphs
Shortly after joining the club, I was paired with my buddy Victor. When I first met Victor he was very shy, yet he was so eager to be my friend. I was confident that we would have an amazing friendship, and I am happy to say that I was right. Throughout the week I meet with Victor and each day widens my perspective of what friendship really is. Sometimes, I feel as though I am the one learning and benefiting from the experience. Victor’s fun loving attitude and sincerity makes me want to be a better person, not just for him, but for the community. Victor has taught more than any other friend I have ever had, just because of the way he lives his life; he does not worry about things, he is always happy, but what I admire the most of him is that he lives his life in the moment and makes the most of it.
When I was first offered the position of vice president, I was apprehensive, yet I was sure that I could handle the responsibility. I want to help others see the beauty in all people with intellectual disabilities. I want my friends to realize that to find friendship, you must see people for their abilities rather than their disabilities. I have learned so much, and I want to share that knowledge with the rest of the world. I know I will be the best person that I can be for Victor. My most significant achievement has not just been becoming the vice president of Best Buddies; it has been finding a true friendship and being a real friend to someone.
When I was first offered the position of vice president, I was apprehensive, yet I was sure that I could handle the responsibility. I want to help others see the beauty in all people with intellectual disabilities. I want my friends to realize that to find friendship, you must see people for their abilities rather than their disabilities. I have learned so much, and I want to share that knowledge with the rest of the world. I know I will be the best person that I can be for Victor. My most significant achievement has not just been becoming the vice president of Best Buddies; it has been finding a true friendship and being a real friend to someone.
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That's the rest of it. Sorry for the mess.
Revising your college essay can be a valuable process to ensure that it is well-written and effectively communicates your ideas. Although you mention that you don't have anyone to help you at the moment, you can still take several steps to improve your essay on your own. Here are some suggestions:
1. Start with an engaging introduction: Begin your essay with a captivating introduction that grabs the reader's attention. Consider using a personal anecdote, a thought-provoking question, or a descriptive scene to draw the reader in.
2. Focus on the prompt: Evaluate the prompt and make sure that your essay directly addresses the question. Reflect on the experience or achievement that has special meaning to you and ensure that your essay clearly discusses its significance.
3. Organize your thoughts: Make sure that your essay has a clear structure. Consider using paragraphs to separate different ideas or aspects of your experience. Each paragraph should focus on a specific point and flow logically into the next.
4. Be specific and provide examples: Instead of general statements, try to include specific details and examples to illustrate your points. This will make your essay more compelling and authentic.
5. Edit for clarity and conciseness: Review your essay for any grammar, spelling, or punctuation errors. Ensure that your sentences are clear and concise. Avoid unnecessary repetition or convoluted sentence structures.
6. Seek feedback from online resources: Although you may not have someone physically available to help you revise, there are online resources and communities where you can get feedback on your essay. Consider joining forums or websites dedicated to college admissions or essay revisions. You can also use online editing tools to catch any grammar or spelling mistakes.
Remember that revising your essay may take several iterations, so be prepared to make multiple edits and changes. Take your time, be persistent, and don't hesitate to reach out for help when you have the opportunity.