English

Could you please tell me if this is appropriate to sent to a college.

In today's society where the youth of the world are bombarded by the influences from the media, peers, many beliefs, values and perception, it may be very difficult to differentiate between the good and the bad, as well as how to combat many moral influences, and some in which may be negative.

With all of the many issues that we have to deal with it may be very hard to confront and address negative pressures. However if we could all learn to change the negative mindset that many of us all have been so accustomed to, and channel that into positive thinking we are on the right path. The majority of today’s young people should all realize that the negative things that are in this world could easily be solved if we would make a conscientious choice to succumb to those influences. By making an effort to change that we think personally we can assist others in the battling unconstructiveness within them. Not only does making choices play a very significant role in combating moral influences but also how important certain values are to us.

One of the most important approaches to combating moral influences is education. In today’s society education is a privilege that opens many doors for many opportunities, and also allows you to become somewhat enlightened of all of the many things that the world as well as life has to offer. I strongly believe that keen parental guidance has a considerable amount of significance as well. With the help of parents as well as authority figures, youth are given the opportunity to model themselves after those who are positive and are about making an impact. Due to the role that parents play, they should be the one’s who should help shape us to do the best we can possibly do by positively motivating us to get involved in school and extra-curricular activities. Many of these activities could include community service, religious involvements, sports and a plethora of many others that can serve as powerful combating forces.

In conclusion I strongly believe that whenever you set your mind on something positive and have the ability to stick with it you can achieve whatever task it is that you have.


This is in my mind exceedingly trite and wordy.
The second thing that comes immediately to mind is what is the purpose of this piece? Why would a college want to read this? Is this supposed to be news to them?
If this is an example of a short writing composition for admittance to a college, it does not reflect well on the writer's thinking processes...nor writing skills.
Finally, what does the (trite) final paragraph have to do with the rest of the piece?
I do however agree with your point on the sentence "One of the most iimportant approaches to combatting moral influences is education". Many very educated persons have no moral sense, and in fact, are leading lives of hedonistic immorality. I am not certain that is what you intended to mean.
Words are powerful swords, and using them in writing requires skill, forethought, and purpose.

In conclusion, state your purpose. Secondly, outline your thesis, and develop it logically.


Bobpursley is right. This is very airy and vapid -- far too many generalizations in this and no detailed examples.

At this website http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/composition/abstract.htm

If this is intended for a college admissions essay, it won't get you far. You need to choose a REAL subject and write about it with details.

  1. 👍
  2. 👎
  3. 👁

Respond to this Question

First Name

Your Response

Similar Questions

  1. math

    the stem-and-leaf plot shows the height, in inches, of the players on two different basketball teams. How many players on each team are less than 70 inches tall? Heights of Players In inches Austin College Barton College Leaf Stem

  2. Math

    The combined math and verbal scores for students taking a national standardized examination for college admission, is normally distributed with a mean of 620 and a standard deviation of 220. If a college requires a student to be

  3. Statistics

    Based on information from Harper's Index, 37 out of a random sample of 100 adult Americans who did not attend college believe in extraterrestrials. However, out of a random sample of 100 Americans who did attend college, 41 claim

  4. statistics

    At one college, GPAs are normally distributed with a mean of 2.6 and a standard deviation of 0.6. What percentage of students at the college have a GPA between 2 and 3.2?

  1. math

    Before they graduate from Great Lakes High School, all 12th-grade students fill out a survey about their future college plans. Are you attending an in-state college after high school graduation? Will you begin college during the

  2. Math

    Don has just received a cash gift of $70,000 from his rich eccentric uncle. He wants to set it aside to pay for his daughter Cynthia's college education. Cynthia will begin college in 13 years and Don's financial advisor says that

  3. Finance

    You can deposit 10,000 into an account paying 9% annual interest either today or exactly 10 years from today. How much better off will you be at the end of 40 years if you decide to make the initial deposit today rather than 1o

  4. Mathematics

    A road start at college and goes due North for 2000m it then 2000m on a bearing of 040 degrees and end it a market how far is the market from the college and what is the bearing of the market from the college

  1. math

    A community college has 3,000 students and 90 instructors. The college plans that enrollment will be 3,500 next year. How many new instructors should be hired if the college wants to keep the same student to instructor ratio?

  2. business math

    Sam Long anticipates he will need approximately $225,000 in 15 years to cover his 3-year-old daughter’s college bills for a 4-year degree.How much would he have to invest today at an interest rate of 8 percent compounded

  3. Engineering Statistics

    "A study has shown that 20% of all college textbooks have a price of $90 or higher. It is known that the standard deviation of the prices of all college textbooks is $9.50. Suppose the prices of all college textbooks have a normal

  4. Statistics

    What percentage of college students are attending a college in the state where they grew up? Let p be the proportion of college students from the same state as that in which the college resides. If no preliminary study is made to

You can view more similar questions or ask a new question.