Grammar
Rewrite the paragraphs adding pronouns such as "he," "they," etc.
Tim and Paul love to go to the pool. Tim and Paul's favorite thing to do is swim laps. Tim likes to do the backstroke. Tim collects all the posters of famous swimmers in his bedroom. Tim likes to do the breaststroke. Tim has collected many autographed pictures of Olympic swimmers. Sometimes Tim pretends he is a famous diver. Both boys are planning to try out for the school's swim team next year.

Nuts to doing your assignment for you. That is a corrupt system in which students turn in work done by others.
Here is what I suggest:
You do the assignment, and if you want it checked, or have questions about it, then post it here. Someone will offer suggestions.posted by bobpursley

They love to go to the pool. Their favorite thing to do is swim laps. He likes to do the backstroke. He collects all the posters of famous swimmers in his bedroom. He likes to do the breaststroke. He has collected many autographed pictures of Olympic swimmers. Sometimes he pretends he is a famous diver. Both boys are planning to try out for the school's swim team next year.
posted by Ashley

Yes. Notice how the use of pronouns describing two boys gets confusing when describing only one (ie, He...) I hope that is what your teacher was trying to demonstrate. You did what the assignment asked, but it would read much better with the first He to actually use the proper noun, Tim.
Sometimes it is difficult to figure out what teachers want.posted by bobpursley

I suggest these changes:
Tim and Paul love to go to the pool. Their favorite thing to do is swim laps. Tim likes to do the backstroke. He collects all the posters of famous swimmers in his bedroom. He likes to do the breaststroke. He has collected many autographed pictures of Olympic swimmers. Sometimes he pretends he is a famous diver. Both boys are planning to try out for the school's swim team next year.
Once you state the nouns, then the pronouns will make sense.posted by Writeacher

Joe Carson, like every student enrolling in Ashford University, has his own unique Personal Learning Profile.
posted by tee

Every discussion forum initial response prompt and peer response prompt will have their own guidelines for required information.
posted by tee
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