can someone proof read my work thanks!

If the assassination of Archduke Francis Ferdinand was just a trigger why did everyone wait a whole year to do anything? If war was going to happen don’t you think it was given many chances to happen before the assassination? War would have not been declared if Austria would have listened to Serbia. Therefore the assassination was not a trigger. Meaning it was the initial cause of the War. Austria did not believe that Serbia had no part in the assassination; because of this Austria declared war on Serbia with its allies Germany and the Ottoman Empire. World War One was given many chances to happen. Take for example Militarism, it were armies and weapons doubled. At any time any of these rivalries could have declared war. The assassination of Archduke Francis Ferdinand was no trigger it was the initial cause of World War one.


If the assassination of Archduke Francis Ferdinand was just a trigger<~~add comma why did everyone<~~"everyone" = who? wait a whole year to do anything? If war was going to happen<~~add comma don’t you think it was given many chances to happen before the assassination? War would have not been declared if Austria would have<~~verb tense sequencing problem: delete "would have" and insert "had" listened to Serbia. Therefore<~~add comma the assassination was not a trigger. Meaning it was the initial cause of the War.<~~sentence fragment -- connect to the previous sentence by changing punctuation after "trigger" to a colon, deleting the word "Meaning" and capitalizing the "I" on "it" Austria did not believe that Serbia had no part in the assassination; because of this<~~add comma; also "this" is unclear -- "this" = what? Austria declared war on Serbia with its allies Germany and the Ottoman Empire. World War One was given<~~delete "was given" and insert "had" many chances to happen. Take<~~add comma for example<~~add comma Militarism,<~~lower case "m" and period instead of comma; capitalize first letter~~> it were<~~what?? armies and weapons doubled.<~~what??? At any time any of these rivalries could have declared war. The assassination of Archduke Francis Ferdinand was no trigger<~~run-on it was the initial cause of World War one<~~capitalize "O" to be consistent.

Also ...

"Austria declared war on Serbia with its allies Germany and the Ottoman Empire."

Germany and the Ottoman Empire were allies of whom? Austria or Serbia? The connection is not clear in your sentence.

Thank you Writeacher

YW!!

Also ...

At any time any of these rivalries could have declared war.

Add a comma after "time."

=)

writeteacher is smart

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