mentioned earlier that I was doing an essay on the Taj Mahal. Here is my draft for it and I'd like you to revise it;any tips are highly appreciated. I used the first site i found on google when I typed in Taj Mahal essay help (since i cant give a link) Thanks-MC
The Taj Mahal, a beautiful monument made of white marble by the Mughals, is considered one of the eight wonders of the world.
It was made by Muslim emperor Shah Jahan for his dear wife in 1631. The total amount of workers it took to make this beautiful peice was 20,000 and the cost was 32 million rupees!
The Taj Mahal is located in Agra, India and attracts millions of visitors per year! Being a very popular tourist attraction, it is quite a sight. There are tours given to see the whole place inside which includes also seeing the tombs of the two lovers, Shah Jahan and Mumtaz Mughal.
Building the Taj Mahal took great effort and quite a lot of money but almost everyone agrees, it's a place worth seeing.
This is a major grade for me so please help. I'm really not sure about it at all. The point is just to give basic information (im only in 8th grade)
THanks again -MC
A fully written essay normally has four or more fully developed paragraphs, including an introduction (4-5 sentences with a thesis statement) and a conclusion. Here's what I see in what you wrote, which is not an essay yet.
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The Taj Mahal, a beautiful monument made of white marble by the Mughals, is considered one of the eight wonders of the world. This is a good sentence to be in your introductory paragraph. It is not a complete paragraph, nor is it a thesis statement. It's a start, but needs more development. See the thesis statement and introduction links below.
It was made by Muslim emperor Shah Jahan for his dear wife in 1631. The total amount of workers it took to make this beautiful peice was 20,000 and the cost was 32 million rupees!
Good start; keep writing. It's not a fully developed paragraph yet. See the paragraph development link below.
The Taj Mahal is located in Agra, India and attracts millions of visitors per year! Being a very popular tourist attraction, it is quite a sight. There are tours given to see the whole place inside which includes also seeing the tombs of the two lovers, Shah Jahan and Mumtaz Mughal.
Again, good start; keep writing. It's not a fully developed paragraph yet. See the paragraph development link below.
Building the Taj Mahal took great effort and quite a lot of money but almost everyone agrees, it's a place worth seeing.
Good start on a conclusion; keep writing. It's not a fully developed paragraph yet. See the conclusion link below.
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/intro.html
http://www.arts.uottawa.ca/writcent/hypergrammar/paragrph.html
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/conclude.html
PS -- Don't count on the "I'm only in eighth grade" excuse! My grandson is in 7th grade this year and has been writing multiparagraph essays all this school year and most of 6th grade, too. I believe that if students are taught well, they can write well.
Thanks so much----and i didn't think you'd have grandchildren! that's quite a surprise for me ^^ -MC
You're welcome -- and yes, I have four!
Be sure to develop that essay and repost. Then we'll see what you learned.
=)
I'll be sure to tell you the grade i get after I'm done revising.
Sure, I'd be happy to help you revise your essay on the Taj Mahal. Here's a revised version with some tips on improving the content and structure:
The Taj Mahal, an exquisite monument crafted from white marble by the Mughals, is hailed as one of the seven wonders of the world. Constructed by the Muslim emperor Shah Jahan in 1631, it stands as a tribute to his beloved wife. The construction of this magnificent masterpiece involved the labor of approximately 20,000 workers and cost an astounding 32 million rupees.
Situated in Agra, India, the Taj Mahal lures millions of tourists annually, offering a captivating experience. Guided tours provide visitors with the opportunity to explore the entire complex, including the tombs of the two soulmates, Shah Jahan and Mumtaz Mughal. Witnessing the grandeur of the Taj Mahal, one cannot help but appreciate the sheer dedication and significant investment that went into its creation.
Overall, your draft provides a good overview of the Taj Mahal, but here are some tips to enhance your essay:
1. Introduction: Consider starting your essay with an attention-grabbing opening statement or a brief historical background of the Mughal Empire to engage the reader.
2. Content: Expand on the historical and cultural significance of the Taj Mahal. You could mention how it represents the pinnacle of Mughal architecture and is recognized as a UNESCO World Heritage Site.
3. Elaboration: Provide more details about the intricate design and architectural features of the Taj Mahal. Mention its symmetrical structure, the intricate marble inlays, and the beautiful gardens surrounding it.
4. Language: Use more descriptive language to create vivid imagery. Engage the reader's senses by incorporating words that evoke a visual, auditory, or tactile experience.
5. Conclusion: Summarize the main points of your essay and leave the reader with a lasting impression or thought-provoking statement about the Taj Mahal's cultural significance or universal appeal.
Remember, this is just a revision suggestion. Feel free to make additional changes based on your personal style and preferences. Good luck with your essay, and I hope these tips help you improve your work!