Background
Your favorite cousin has moved to your town and is looking for a job.
Her previous experiences are working as a cashier and sales clerk at two
department stores. You know she plans to apply at similar stores in your
town. But you also know she is a perfect match for a job opening as a
reliable assistant to your boss. You know she has the skills, though she
doesn’t think she is as capable as she is, and you’re sure she’d be good
at this job.
Your goal is to persuade your cousin to apply for the job. You email her
a paragraph explaining the specifics of the job and the reasons she
should apply. You want to convince her that she has the job skills
required. You’ll use an informal tone, of course, but will take care to use
correct business writing to show her that you take your recommendation
seriously.
Process
1. Using your imagination, create the kind of skills the job as boss’s
assistant requires. Make up names for your boss and the company,
as well as any facts that might help you prove your case to your
cousin. Freewrite about the skills you’ve seen her show in other
settings and about how you can convince her to use those abilities
in this position. In addition, consider personality traits that show
she would work well with your boss. Also make up details and figures
about how this job will benefit your cousin personally and
professionally.
2. Circle the information your cousin most needs to hear to be persuaded
to apply for this job. You won’t be able to use everything
you made up. Organize the details and explanation using an order
of importance pattern.
3. Open the Word document containing your draft of Paragraph 1 and
begin a new page. Type the heading Paragraph 2 and draft your
8–12 sentence paragraph. Begin with the topic sentence, in which
you establish your confidence in your cousin and spark her interest
in applying for this job. Develop your paragraph using clear, varied
sentences and concrete words with transitions or connectives that
create a logical flow. Use the information you’ve identified as most
important and make your paragraph as persuasive as possible.
Revising, Editing, and Proofreading
1. Print a clean copy of the rough drafts. First identify the topic sentence.
Although you’ve learned that in some paragraphs the main
idea is understood, your assignment for each paragraph requires
you to establish your first sentence as your topic sentence. Rewrite
the first sentence to make it interesting and to flow clearly into the
next sentence. Then check that every other sentence in the paragraph
directly develops and supports your first sentence. Cross
out any sentences in which you got sidetracked or started another
major thought not directly necessary to developing the topic sentence.
Revise your paragraph so you fully develop your focus with
clear, logical reasoning. Develop further explanation or details as
needed to fill any gaps.
2. Continue revising by comparing the end of each sentence with the
beginning of the next. Be sure you’ve included proper connectives
to guide your reader from one idea to the next. Restructure those
sentences where you find a gap or break in flow because you shifted
focus or perspective.
3. Your next task is to start from the end of the paragraph and look at
each sentence separately. Does each one represent a complete
thought or is it a fragment needing to be connected to another sentence
in some way? Does it contain two independent clauses
running together with only a comma between them? Correct the
problems. Compare sentence length and structure throughout the
paragraph to make sure you’ve included some complex sentences.
Check the first five words of each sentence. Make sure you vary the
opening to provide your reader with variety. Remember that you
must have 8–12 sentences in your paragraph.
4. Edit and proofread by applying the skills from all four study units,
including word choice, grammar, spelling, usage, and punctuation.
5. Prepare a final typed draft of each paragraph formatted according to
the submission instructions. Submit only your final draft of each in
one Word document. Do not include your prewriting, drafting, or
revising work.
Welcome to town, Jen.
I want to let you know of an excellent employment position with potential advancement opportunities that I believe would be a perfect fit for you.
My boss, Mr. Johnston at Advantage Real Estate Services is currently looking to hire an assistant. This position would require you to greet clients, answer the telephone, schedule appointments and file documents. This is permanent, full-time employment complete with a competitive starting salary, and terrific benefits package. There are also endless opportunities to advance to other departments.
Your experience has shown that you are responsible and dedicated to your former employer as a retail clerk and cashier. You have proven that you have great communication, leadership and problem solving skills. Also, you’re extremely good at multi-tasking. I know with your outgoing personality, exceptional motivation and organizational skills, you would be a great asset to Mr, Johnston and his company.
I am positive that you are the perfect candidate and would be a great addition to our team. I hope you will consider applying at Advantage Real Estate Services.
Cousin Wendy
Your tone becomes quite formal in the last paragraph. It's okay, but you might want to be a little less formal and still say the same things.
In the sentence "This is permanent...benefits package," no commas are necessary. A comma should be used, however, in "You have proven...problem solving skills" after "leadership". You are using a series of three: "...communication, leadership, and problem solving..." Many people skip that comma, but it is important.
Otherwise, this is good work! :)
Hey Jen,
I hope you're settling into the town well. I wanted to let you in on an amazing job opportunity that I think would be a great fit for you. It's a position as an assistant to my boss, Mr. Johnston, at Advantage Real Estate Services.
In this role, you would be responsible for greeting clients, answering phone calls, scheduling appointments, and filing documents. It's a full-time, permanent position with a competitive starting salary and an excellent benefits package. The best part is that there are plenty of opportunities for advancement within the company.
I've seen firsthand how responsible and dedicated you were as a cashier and sales clerk at the department store. Your communication, leadership, and problem-solving skills are top-notch, not to mention your ability to handle multiple tasks at once. With your outgoing personality, motivation, and organizational skills, you would be a valuable asset to Mr. Johnston and his company.
I genuinely believe that you're the perfect candidate for this job, and I know you would be a great addition to our team. Please consider applying at Advantage Real Estate Services.
Best,
Cousin Wendy
Hey Jen,
I just wanted to let you in on an amazing job opportunity that I think would be a great fit for you. Our boss, Mr. Johnston, over at Advantage Real Estate Services is currently on the hunt for an assistant, and I truly believe you have all the skills and qualities necessary to excel in this position.
As his assistant, you would be responsible for tasks such as greeting clients, answering phone calls, scheduling appointments, and handling document filing. It's a full-time, permanent position with a competitive starting salary and a fantastic benefits package. Plus, there are plenty of opportunities for growth and advancement within the company.
I've seen firsthand how responsible and dedicated you were in your previous roles as a retail clerk and cashier. Your excellent communication, leadership, and problem-solving skills really stood out. Not to mention, you're a natural at multitasking. With your outgoing personality, exceptional motivation, and strong organizational skills, I have no doubt that you would be a valuable asset to both Mr. Johnston and his company.
I genuinely believe that you are the perfect candidate for this job, and I know that you would be a valuable addition to our team. I really hope you'll consider applying at Advantage Real Estate Services. Trust me, this opportunity has the potential to benefit you both personally and professionally.
Best of luck, and let me know if you need any help with the application process!
Warmest regards,
Cousin Wendy