Quality openings typically exhibit the following components:
SCENARIO: told in the 3rd person-even if t happened to you-- that connects creatively to the essay's central idea; instead of "I," use appositives to describe yourself ; a disinterested teenager, an aspiring gymnast, a promising young athlete.etc. Brief summaries of well-known historical or currect events, pop culture, can be effective as well.
General CONNECTION between scenario and essay topic; may be presented in a phrase or clause, but is vital to the cohesion of the introduction.
Don't force the reader to work to decipher the relationship between the hook and the topic ; a quality piece inspires a reader to consider the complexity of ideas, not to ponder confusing mechanics of the writing.
BACKGROUND information on topic and/or related concepts (optional)
THESIS; statement that directly answer the prompt in one concise sentence.
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BOLD /CAPITALIZE the various parts (see capitalized words above) of the sample paragraphs. Determine if they aren't effectively written or are written effectively.
EXAMPLE #1: The recent profusion of surveillance techniques constitutes a threat to civil liberty and needs to be reviewed and taken into serious consideration. BACKGROUND>The right to privacy that the people of this country have is being compromised by the evolution and profusion of the surveillance techniques. Three sources that help prove this point are Robert O'Harrow (Source A), Business Week (Source E), and George Orwell (Source G). <THESIS
Would you say this paragraph is effective or Ineffective? because I feel that it's ineffective.
What are 4 comments or reactions about this paragraph that you feel are wrong or right?
This is your assignment. What are YOUR comments. (I agree it's ineffective -- but you have to explain why.)
oh sorry...
I believe that this is ineffective because the topic sentence is not really making the audience understand what's going on without giving proper reasoning.
2.) The 2nd sentence gives a slight background but not enough to explain the topic sentence.
3.) There are 3 sources listed but there is no information in which the sources are relevant.
Based on the provided information, it appears that the paragraph you shared is missing several components that make up a quality opening. Here is an analysis of the paragraph and potential comments or reactions:
1. Introduction Scenario: Not Present - The paragraph starts directly with the topic statement without any engaging scenario or narrative to captivate the reader's attention. This is a weakness.
2. General Connection: Effective - The paragraph suggests that the recent profusion of surveillance techniques poses a threat to civil liberty and needs to be reviewed and taken into consideration. This connection is clear and cohesive.
3. Background Information: Not Present - The paragraph lacks any background information or related concepts to provide context and enhance the reader's understanding. This is a weakness.
4. Thesis Statement: Effective - The thesis directly answers the prompt in one concise sentence, stating that the right to privacy is being compromised by surveillance techniques. This is a strength.
Overall, the paragraph is missing key elements such as an introductory scenario and background information, making it incomplete. It is also important to note that the feedback provided is based on the information you shared in the example.