Can you suggest/comment on my poem?
Death and Liquorice
It is funny how everyone sees me,
As a looming ghost above their head
In fact we have never met before
Yet they still anticipate me with dread.
What I do I do as a professional
Employed by the great circle of life
Every human is my loyal customer
Including you, man and man’s wife.
At the time our paths do finally cross
We both know that the time has come
For you to part with the living world
And then my work with you is done.
Usually when I arrive you are lying
Upon your back, waiting and silent
Sometimes you scream blue murder
Which ever way, I remain indifferent.
In doing my job, I look for a colour,
one that suits the life you have led
the saddened are blue, the lonely grey
the unlucky purple, the angry red.
Liquorice black is my favourite colour
These people are the easiest to free
For emotionless, empty are their souls
They remind myself too much of me.
really good but a little creepy. ya might wanna tone it down a little. its really good though
Thank you for using the Jiskha Homework Help Forum. The spelling you used for "liquorice" is a British variation of "licorice." That was interesting.
Main Entry: li·quo·rice
chiefly British variant of licorice
Is this what you really meant to say: "Which ever way?" Perhaps it is the space there. (Whichever...)
As for the poem, I think you did an outstanding job!
Sra
The Kenning technique- im not sure that i get this:
teacher: stepmother?
busdriver:
firemen:
television: information box
meatloaf:
police: law keepers
poptart: breakfast food
music: great noise
love:
computer: touch information
I don't know, any suggestions?
Please see the "new post" I just put up for you.
Sra
Your poem explores the theme of death and the persona of the speaker, who is represented as Death itself. The poem is written in a conversational tone, which adds a personal touch to the subject matter. The use of vivid imagery, such as the depiction of Death as a looming ghost and the various colors associated with emotions and souls, helps bring the poem to life.
In terms of structure, the poem is divided into stanzas, which allows for a smoother flow and better organization of ideas. The rhyming scheme also adds a musical quality to the poem.
To offer a comment on your poem, I would say that the juxtaposition of Death and liquorice is quite unique. The use of liquorice as a metaphor for souls that are emotionless and empty is an interesting choice. It creates a sense of empathy and understanding between the speaker (Death) and these particular souls.
Overall, your poem is thought-provoking and presents Death as an impartial entity simply carrying out its job. The imagery and metaphors used contribute to the poem's impact and make it an engaging read. Well done!