Can someone proofread my English paragraph for grammar? I'd really appreciate it. Give me advice/tips on how to make it better
Shortly after her moving to the Wisconsin, Molly began attending Second Baptist Church, where during service one day, she said she was approached by a longtime parishioner named Cynthia Givens. Molly said that Cynthia, who was aware of her unstable living condition, advised her to seek help from Wisconsin Housing Authority, a nonprofit agency that provides affordable housing to homeless people and low-income working families, whom Cynthia cleans for.
delete "her"
Make two sentences in place of that too-long first sentence.
Make two (or three?) sentences in place of that too-long last sentence.
Is this better Writeacher?
Shortly after moving to the Wisconsin, Molly began attending Second Baptist Church. During service one day, she said she was approached by a longtime parishioner named Cynthia Givens, who was aware of Molly's unstable living condition. Cynthia advised her to seek help from Wisconsin Housing Authority, a nonprofit agency that provides affordable housing to homeless people and low-income working families, whom Cynthia cleans for.
"to the Wisconsin" <~~??
... for whom Cynthia cleans.
Sure, I can help with that. Here's your paragraph with a few grammar corrections, along with some advice on how to improve it further:
Shortly after moving to Wisconsin, Molly began attending Second Baptist Church. During one of the services, she was approached by Cynthia Givens, a longtime parishioner. Molly mentioned that Cynthia, knowing about her unstable living situation, advised her to seek help from the Wisconsin Housing Authority. This nonprofit agency provides affordable housing to homeless individuals and low-income working families, some of whom Cynthia also works for as a cleaner.
Tips for improvement:
1. Use a comma after introductory phrases like "Shortly after" and "During one of the services."
2. Instead of saying "her moving to the Wisconsin," use "moving to Wisconsin."
3. Use the article "the" before "Second Baptist Church" to indicate a specific church.
4. Use a comma to separate the name and description of Cynthia Givens, e.g., "Cynthia Givens, a longtime parishioner."
5. Instead of repeating "she said" and "Molly said," you can use the first mention and then refer to her by name afterward.
6. Break the sentence about the Wisconsin Housing Authority into two sentences for better clarity.
7. Add a transition word or phrase between the sentences to improve the flow. For example, you can start the third sentence with "This."
By following these tips, you will have a more grammatically correct and coherent paragraph.