I revised this memo to approve the you-attitude. Can someone tell me if I did it correctly? If I didn't what did I do wrong. I worked on this for 3 hours!
Subject: Status of Building Renovations
We are happy to announce that the renovation of the lobby is not behind schedule. By Monday, October 9, we should be ready to open the west end of the lobby to limited traffic.
The final phase of the renovation will be placing a new marble floor in front of the elevators. This work will not be finished until the end of the month.
We will attempt to schedule most of the work during the evenings so that normal business is not disrupted.
Please exercise caution when moving through the construction area. The floor will be uneven and steps will be at unusual heights. Watch your step to avoid accidental tripping or falling.
It reads well to me, but then I have no idea what "you-attitude" is!
Based on the information provided, it seems that you have revised the memo to incorporate the you-attitude. However, without the original memo, it is difficult to determine if you have done it correctly.
To evaluate if you have effectively incorporated the you-attitude, you can review the following aspects:
1. Use of Pronouns: Make sure that you have used pronouns like "you" or "we" instead of focusing on "I" or "me." This helps to shift the perspective towards the reader and create a more reader-centered tone.
2. Positive Language: Ensure that the language used in the memo is positive and focused on the reader's needs and interests rather than on personal concerns or achievements.
3. Clear and Concise Language: Check if the information is presented in a clear and concise manner. Use simple language that is easy for the reader to understand, avoiding jargon or technical terms unless necessary.
4. Empathy and Politeness: Incorporate empathy and politeness in your writing by acknowledging the reader's potential concerns or inconvenience caused by the renovations and expressing appreciation for their understanding.
Since I do not have the original memo, I cannot provide specific feedback on what you have done wrong. However, you can review the above points to evaluate your revision. Additionally, you may consider asking a colleague, supervisor, or someone knowledgeable in writing memos to provide feedback on your revised memo to ensure its effectiveness.