English Improving writing

please check this for me he is my rough draft (again)

Please check this for me thank you very much :)

There are on- going problems that need to be addressed at the DMD company. First there is uneven allocation of tasks. While Bonnie and Molly are working overtime at least twice a month, Jack and Rachel often have no work to do. This causes friction between the workers. Second, Melanie and Jessica share an administrative assistant who does most of their work for them. Third, Larry's assistant can not get all his work done in the 15 hours that he works
I do not think that the company is working as well as it can and would like to offer some suggestions.
Jack and Rachel could help Bonnie and Molly. To be successful the company needs teamwork. Jessica and Melanie should do more of their own work, freeing up their administrative assistant to help others. If Larry's assistant is unable to work more than 15 hours, perhaps he should be replaced by someone who can do so. Is he in fact able to work more hours?
There are 125 employees in the company. Some could be trained to help our group out when we are extremely busy and they are not. A full time administrative assistant could help Samuel and Frank Daly who have no assistant.
Additional suggestions that I have rejected after much thought include hiring from Tina's Temp Agency, which is only a quick fix, and cutting back on employees' paid vacation time, which might cause them to not work as hard.

I have spent over 30 years working with the public including the 10 years I have been working with this company. In all this time I have never seen a company operate so poorly. The uneven productivity has had a negative impact on the company. The company will start to lose their clients. If the problem isn’t fixed soon the company will continue to make a bad name for itself. This company has been is business for 50 years and we have several clients that have been using this company for at least 15 years. The employees' morale is getting quite low. This may cause some employees to quit which would not help
The DMD’s finances are slowly sinking. This has been going on for over a month, which is way to long. If you hire extra help that would improve the stress level that all lot of the employee’s feel. If the employees did not feel stressed they would do better at their jobs which would increase company morale.

ok I am a bit on confused for this lesson I have to do prewriting. That is the same as Brain storming right ?

(which I beleive I did already)

Drafting I just did

Next is revising so do I take the rough draft and revise it like this



There are on- going problems that need to be addressed at the DMD company. First there is uneven allocation of tasks. While Bonnie and Molly are working overtime at least twice a month, Jack and Rachel often have no work to do. This causes friction between the workers. There is always some kind of yelling going on between the workers. Second, Melanie and Jessica share an administrative assistant who does most of their work for them. Third, Larry's assistant can not get all his work done in the 15 hours that he works
I do not think that the company is working as well as it can and would like to offer some suggestions.
Jack and Rachel could help Bonnie and Molly. Not only would this help the productivity of the office but it will be a more peaceful place to work. To be successful the company needs teamwork without team work we have nothing. Jessica and Melanie should do more of their own work, freeing up their administrative assistant to help others. If Larry's assistant is unable to work more than 15 hours, perhaps he should be replaced by someone who can do so There are 125 employees in the company. Some of the employee's in the other office could be trained to help our group out when we are extremely busy and they are not. A full time administrative assistant could help Samuel and Frank Daly who have no assistant. Additional suggestions that I have rejected after much thought include hiring from Tina's Temp Agency, which is only a quick fix, and cutting back on employees' paid vacation time, which might cause them to not work as hard.

I have spent over 30 years working with the public including the 10 years I have been working with this company. In all this time I have never seen a company operate so poorly. The uneven productivity has had a negative impact on the company. The company will start to lose their clients. If the problem isn’t fixed soon the company will continue to make a bad name for itself. This company has been is business for 50 years and we have several clients that have been using this company for at least 15 years. The employees' morale is getting quite low. This may cause some employees to quit which would not help
The DMD’s finances are slowly sinking. This has been going on for over a month, which is way to long. If you hire extra help that would improve the stress level that all lot of the employee’s feel. If the employees did not feel stressed they would do better at their jobs which would increase company morale. Thank you for allowing the time to talk to you regaurding these important issues. If we all work together I believe that DMD will be here for another 50 years

  1. 👍
  2. 👎
  3. 👁
  1. You're on the right track, yes.

    Now keep going over the second draft to catch things that need correcting, such as spacing, periods, spelling, etc.

    http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/composition/proofing.htm

    (Broken Link Removed)

    1. 👍
    2. 👎
    👤
    Writeacher

Respond to this Question

First Name

Your Response

Similar Questions

  1. English

    "Mental distance" from a rough draft can be achieved by: A. waiting 24 hours before revising B. revising in a different place from where you have finished your revisions C. not sharing your draft until you have finished the

  2. physics

    A 10.0-kg cylinder rolls without slipping on a rough surface. At the instant its center of amss has a speed of 10m/s, determine (a) the translational kinetic of its center of mass (b) the rotational kinetic energy about its center

  3. English

    Identify the sentence that is punctuated correctly. A. Here is our check, Mr. Vons, for $7.35. B. Here is our check Mr. Vons, for $7.35. C. Here is our check, Mr. Vons for $7.35. D. Here is our check Mr. Vons for $7.35. c

  4. Ed Tech plz helppppp

    What does it mean to troubleshoot your computer? identify problems with your computer and attempt to fix them*** to open your computer to see what's missing from the hard drive to switch the mouse and keyboard plugs to download

  1. Social Studies

    what was the purpose of the constitutional convention held in philadelphia in 1787? A.To sign the treaty of paris B.To select the nation's new president. C. to revise the Articles of Confederation D.to draft a declaration of

  2. sience

    can some one check my answers Which statement is correct about organelles that provide energy? (1 point) They are responsible for cellular respiration.

  3. psy

    Surveys show that people who use calorie information to decide which foods to eat consume on average 100 calories less than they would if they didn’t check calorie information before eating. Strangely though, people who use

  4. Physics

    I have no idea how to do this. Anyone help? A cyclist passes a race check point at +5.5m/s and then accelerates ata constant rate of +.55 m/s^2. The cyclist forgot to check in at the check point, and after 20s turns back around to

  1. business

    . You've written a check to Goodwill Supply, and the check has been lost. What should you do? A. Stop payment on the first check; then write a second one. B. Send a counter check to Goodwill. C. Write another check immediately. D.

  2. English

    Can somebody help me write my rough draft for a speech about how youth's and adult's should get the same penalty for crime?

  3. compositionII

    In Weeks 6-11, you will write a research paper. Your completed paper will be 5-7 pages in length. In Week 8, you finalized your thesis and prepared an outline of your paper. This week, Week 9, you’ll write your rough draft.

  4. algebra -

    #21 -can you help me solve this equation: 3x^2 (2x - 2) i keep getting: 6x ^2 -6 #22 can you check this one: (2x ^2) (6x^2) i got 12x #23 can you check this one: (4m^2 + m -2) + (-m^2 - 3m) i got: -4m ^2 + 4m-2 #25 can you check

You can view more similar questions or ask a new question.