is this a good introduction
What is it about America that people from different countries want to come here even if it means illegally? Maybe it’s because America is the” land of the free”, according to Key S. (1814), The national anthem. Truly the U.S. is becoming over whammed with this issue of illegal immigration. More so, with the Mexican, because they are just across the border. But according to Thompson G(2001), border agent, illegal crossing has dropped by one-third compared with the same period last year.
Here are two sites on writing a good introductory paragraph.
The thesis statement is the last sentence of the paragraph... In your paragraph, I am not sure what you want your thesis to be. What exactly do you want to prove?
The first sentence should be one that will catch your readers attention! Say something that will make them want to read more.
The middle paragraphs are a mini-history of the problem and a short outline of the main points you want to make in order to prove your thesis.
Please rewrite and we will be happy to make further suggestions.
http://members.tripod.com/~lklivingston/essay/intro.html
http://www.writing.ucsb.edu/faculty/donelan/intro.html
http://www.jiskha.com/display.cgi?id=1213725520
Do you know what your main idea is, as GuruBlue asked above? Did you come up with an outline?
Did you skip all the pre-writing steps?
??
Overall, this introduction provides some context about the topic of illegal immigration in the United States, specifically focusing on the reasons why people from different countries might want to come to America, even if it means doing so illegally. It mentions the concept of America being the "land of the free" and highlights the issue of illegal immigration, particularly from Mexico. Additionally, it includes a statistic about the drop in illegal crossings compared to the previous year.
To evaluate whether this is a good introduction, consider the following factors:
1. Relevance: Does the introduction effectively introduce the topic of illegal immigration in America and provide relevant information? Yes, it does by highlighting the motivations for wanting to come to America and mentioning the specific issue of Mexican immigrants crossing the border.
2. Clarity: Is the introduction clear and easy to understand? Yes, the sentences are clear and concise, allowing readers to quickly grasp the main points being made.
3. Engaging: Does the introduction grab the reader's attention and make them want to continue reading? This is subjective, but this introduction does provide some interesting information about the topic, such as why people might be attracted to America's freedom. However, it could benefit from a more attention-grabbing or thought-provoking statement.
4. Objectivity and Accuracy: Does the introduction present factual information in an unbiased manner? Yes, the introduction provides a quote from the national anthem and references a statistic from a border agent for supporting evidence. However, it is important to assess the sources used to ensure they are reliable and current.
In summary, while this introduction provides relevant information and presents it in a clear manner, it could be improved by incorporating a more attention-grabbing statement or hook. Additionally, it's important to verify the reliability and currency of the sources mentioned.