Hi, so my name is Katherine, and I am in grade 9. Hello Ms.Fowlks. The three classes I am taking are spanish, english, and oklahoma history. Sorry, I have to give a bit of information so my teacher knows I wrote this and it is not plagiarized. :D Anyways, can you give any advice to make this essay better?
This is the prompt for my essay.
When creating print advertisements, marketing professionals work carefully to combine words and images to convey a specific message to the intended audience. Carefully consider the two advertisements. Click here to view the image. Notice how they are both similar and different.
In a well-organized essay, compare and contrast the two advertisements. What marketing messages do the words and images in each convey? How would you rate their overall effectiveness? Would one advertisement be more effective with a certain audience? Why or why not? Be sure to support your analysis with reasons and examples drawn from the ads and your studies.
Here is my essay:
I asked the first three people I saw which advertisement they prefered, and I was quite surprised by the answers, but the age difference may have played into the answers. The first person I asked was a man, Chris, age 36, he said that the second ad was more alluring. The second person was April, a 9 year old girl, who chose the first ad. Last, but not least, was Dawn; 41 year old Dawn picked the first ad as well. My question: Why? Both ads advertised the same place, so how can one be more alluring to the average consumer?
Well, the first ad seemed childishly put together, which may invoke the childish feeling in the average person. To me Ad One would not be a choice for me, if I go to a boarding school, I want to know that they will be serious about my schooling. The first ad shows different places that are known for important landmarks, which would be more appealing to the average, and sorry to say, not so smart, consumer. On the better hand the first ad does show more opportunity to explore and learn more. If you go to Paris you may get to see the Eiffel Tower after your work is finished, or if you go to London, you might see Big Ben. The first ad plays off of the adventurous, younger, not so professional feeling in anyone this ad appeals to.
The second advertisement would not be found too alluring to the young, fresh adventurous type of person; they would probably overlook advertisement two, and be more focused on advertisement one. Ad two is something that parents, (not so much their child/ren) would be excited to have the opportunity to go, whereas if you showed the child/ren the first ad would probably be more alluring. With that being said, here are a few plus sides to advertisement two. The second ad was more professional, which would fit a school setting better than an elementary type advertisement. Not only did the placement of everything seemed more thought out, it was not as confusing to me. On the second ad, there was a woman thinking, some people might infer that she had gone to that school as well, and that if she is so smart, possibly they will be too. I didn’t have to guess what place was which, as I did in the first, (probably getting them wrong,) it had a list of each place.
Todays average consumer would probably prefer the first ad, but if Schiller wanted a professional group of students at their Boarding School, then they should use the second ad. The average consumer is pulled into an “average” type of ad, something quick and thrown together. The professional, getting it done good” consumer, would probably be more allured by the second ad, which seems more focused on “getting it done” type of school. The biggest thing that the marketing professionals would need to keep in mind is that this advertisement is for a prestigious boarding school.
Alright, I cannot post the link, but yea, other than that, how does it seem?
retend that you are a writer for your school newspaper.Write a feature story on the sport of rock climbing.Use information from the passage in your feature story.
As you write, remember your essay will be scored based on how well you:
develop a multi-paragraph response to the assigned topic that clearly communicates your controlling idea to the audience.
support your controlling idea with meaningful examples, information, and references from the text.
cite direct quotes and any information that has been paraphrased from the passages that you have read.
organize your essay in a clear and logical manner, including an introduction, body, and conclusion.
use well-structured sentences and language that are appropriate for your audience.
edit your work to conform to the conventions of standard American English.
Use any of the tools available to you, such as the Checklist, Spellchecker, or Graphic Organizer.
ROCK CLIMBING
Hi Katherine! I'm here to help you make your essay better. It's great that you've conducted some interviews to gather different perspectives on which advertisement is more alluring to different audiences. However, let's work on organizing your essay and providing more analysis and support for your claims.
To start, in your introduction, you can briefly mention the purpose of print advertisements and how marketers carefully combine words and images to convey messages to specific audiences. Then, introduce the two advertisements and explain that your essay will compare and contrast them in terms of their marketing messages and overall effectiveness.
In each body paragraph, focus on analyzing one specific aspect of the advertisements, such as the design, imagery, or target audience appeal. For example, in the first body paragraph, you can discuss how the design of the first ad may appeal to a younger, adventurous audience. Provide specific examples from the ad to support your claim, such as mentioning the different places known for important landmarks. Then, explain why this may be appealing to the average consumer who values adventure and exploration.
In the next body paragraph, discuss the second advertisement's effectiveness in conveying a more professional image. Again, provide examples from the ad, such as the well-thought-out placement and the woman symbolizing intelligence. Explain why these elements may appeal to a more professional audience and why it would be suitable for a prestigious boarding school.
Finally, in your conclusion, summarize your main points and restate your opinion about which advertisement may be more effective with a certain audience. Make sure to reiterate the importance of considering the target audience and the overall goals of the boarding school's marketing campaign.
Remember to provide clear reasoning and examples to back up your claims throughout the essay. Make sure to proofread your work for grammar, punctuation, and clarity. Good luck with your essay, and I hope these suggestions help you improve it!