34.1 Revise the following sentences to eliminate unnecessary shifts in tense, mood, voice, or person and number and between direct and indirect discourse.
1. The greed of the 1980s gave way to the occupational insecurity of the 1990s, which in turn gives way to reinforced family ties in the early 2000s.
a. Greed in the 1980s led to occupational insecurity in the 1990s, which reinforced family ties in the early 2000s.
2. The building inspector suggested that we apply for a construction permit and that we should check with his office again when the plans are complete.
a. The building inspector suggested that we apply for a construction permit and check back with his office again when the plans are complete.
3. The instructor grabbed her coat, wondered why was the substitute late, and ran out of the room.
a. The instructor grabbed her coat, while running out of the room wondered why the substitute late.
4. Suddenly, we heard an explosion of wings off to our right, and you could see a hundred or more ducks lifting off from the water.
a. Suddenly, we heard an explosion of wings off to our right; we could see hundreds of ducks lifting off from the water.
5. In my previous job, I sold the most advertising spot and was given a sales excellence award.
a. In my previous job, I sold the most advertising spot and was given a sales excellence award.
6. A cloud of snow powder rose as skies and poles fly in every direction.
a. A cloud of snow powder rose as skies and poles flew in every direction.
7. The flight attendant said, “Please turn off all electronic devices,” but that we could use them again after takeoff.
a. The flight attendant said, “Please turn off all electronic devices;” you may use them again after takeoff.
8. The real estate market was softer than it had been for a decade, and a buyer could practically name their price.
a. The real estate market is softer than it has been in decades; a buyer could practically name their price.
9. When in Florence, be sure to see the city’s famed cathedral, and many tourists also visit Michelangelo’s statue David.
a. When in Florence, be sure to visit the city’s famed cathedral and Michelangelo’s statue of David.
10. The freezing weather is threatening crops such as citrus fruits, which were sensitive to cold.
a. The freezing weather is threatening the citrus fruits, which are sensitive to the cold.
35.2 Revise the following sentences as necessary to eliminate any errors in parallel structure
1. I remember watching it the first time, realizing I’d never seen anything like it, and immediately vowed never to miss an episode of The Daily Show.
a. I remember watching it the first time and realizing I’d never seen anything like it. Immediately I vowed never to miss an episode of The Daily Show.
2. A crowd stood outside the school and were watching as the graduates paraded by.
a. A crowd stood outside the school and watched as the graduates paraded by.
3. An effective Web site is well designed, provides useful information, and links are given to other relevant sites.
a. An effective Web site is well designed, provides useful information, and had links to other relevant sites.
4. It is impossible to watch The Office and not seeing a little of yourself in one the characters.
a. It is impossible to watch The Office and not see a little of yourself in one the characters.
5. Lila was the winner not only of the pie-eating contest but also won the yodeling competition.
a. Lila was the winner of both the pie-eating and yodeling competition.
Can someone please check my work and let me know if I am getting anything wrong?
Sorry I forgot my answer to question 5.
5. In my previous job, I sold the most advertising spot and was given a sales excellence award.
a. In my previous job, I was given the sales of excellence award for selling the most advertising spots.
3.
a. The instructor grabbed her coat, while running out of the room wondered why the substitute late.
There's a word missing in here. Read it aloud, and you should figure it out!
5.
a. In my previous job, I was given the sales of excellence award for selling the most advertising spots.
"sales of excellence aware" -- doesn't make sense
In 6, I think you mean skis, not skies. There's a BIG difference!!
7. The flight attendant said, “Please turn off all electronic devices,” but that we could use them again after takeoff.
a. The flight attendant said, “Please turn off all electronic devices;” you may use them again after takeoff.
The quotation marks are off. How much of your correction is directly said by the flight attendant?
8. Incorrect. Study this page carefully, and then post your correction.
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/pronouns.htm
All the rest in 34.1 are correct.
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http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/parallelism.htm
Study EVERYTHING in here and then try 1 and 3 again. 2 and 4 are correct. In 5, you need "competitions" since there are two contests referred to.
Sure! Here are the revisions for the sentences you provided:
34.1
1. Greed in the 1980s led to occupational insecurity in the 1990s, which reinforced family ties in the early 2000s. (Revised)
2. The building inspector suggested that we apply for a construction permit and check back with his office again when the plans are complete. (No revision needed)
3. The instructor grabbed her coat and, while running out of the room, wondered why the substitute was late. (Revised)
4. Suddenly, we heard an explosion of wings off to our right; we could see hundreds of ducks lifting off from the water. (Revised)
5. In my previous job, I sold the most advertising spots and was given a sales excellence award. (Revised)
6. A cloud of snow powder rose as skies and poles flew in every direction. (Revised)
7. The flight attendant said, “Please turn off all electronic devices;” you may use them again after takeoff. (Revised)
8. The real estate market is softer than it has been in decades; a buyer could practically name their price. (Revised)
9. When in Florence, be sure to visit the city’s famed cathedral and Michelangelo’s statue of David. (Revised)
10. The freezing weather is threatening the citrus fruits, which are sensitive to the cold. (Revised)
35.2
1. I remember watching it the first time and realizing I’d never seen anything like it. Immediately, I vowed never to miss an episode of The Daily Show. (Revised)
2. A crowd stood outside the school and watched as the graduates paraded by. (Revised)
3. An effective website is well designed, provides useful information, and has links to other relevant sites. (Revised)
4. It is impossible to watch The Office and not see a little of yourself in one of the characters. (Revised)
5. Lila was the winner of both the pie-eating and yodeling competitions. (Revised)
Your revisions are correct! Great job! Let me know if you have any more questions.
I can help you check your work and provide feedback on the revisions you made. Let's go through each question one by one:
34.1 Revisions:
1. Your revision is correct. You have eliminated the shifts in tense, mood, voice, and person. Good job!
2. Your revision is also correct. You have eliminated the unnecessary shift in person and number. Well done!
3. Your revision is partially correct. Although you have eliminated the shift in mood, there is still a shift in tense. The original sentence is in past tense, but in your revision, "wondered" is in present tense. You can revise it to "The instructor grabbed her coat, while running out of the room, she wondered why the substitute was late."
4. Your revision is correct. You have eliminated the shift in mood and made the sentence more clear and concise.
5. Your revision is correct. Good job!
6. Your revision is correct. Well done!
7. Your revision is correct. Good job!
8. Your revision is correct. Well done!
9. Your revision is correct. Good job!
10. Your revision is correct. Well done!
Overall, great job on the revisions. The only mistake was in question 3, where you missed the shift in tense. Keep up the good work!
35.2 Revisions:
1. Your revision is partially correct. You have eliminated the shift in tense and made the sentence clearer and more concise. However, the parallel structure could still be improved. You can revise it to "I remember watching it the first time, realizing I’d never seen anything like it. I immediately vowed never to miss an episode of The Daily Show."
2. Your revision is correct. Well done!
3. Your revision is correct. Good job!
4. Your revision is correct. Well done!
5. Your revision is correct. Good job!
Overall, great job on the revisions. You have eliminated errors in parallel structure and made the sentences more accurate and clear. Well done!
If you have any more questions or need further assistance, feel free to ask!